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dominion。 If they be males grown up in full and flourishing health; they
presently corrupt; either by force or favour; steward; receivers; and all
the rout。 Such as have neither wife nor son do not so easily fall into
this misfortune; but withal more cruelly and unworthily。 Cato the elder
in his time said: So many servants; so many enemies; consider; then;
whether according to the vast difference between the purity of the age he
lived in and the corruption of this of ours; he does not seem to shew us
that wife; son; and servant; are so many enemies to us? 'Tis well for
old age that it is always accompanied by want of observation; ignorance;
and a proneness to being deceived。 For should we see how we are used and
would not acquiesce; what would become of us? especially in such an age
as this; where the very judges who are to determine our controversies are
usually partisans to the young; and interested in the cause。 In case the
discovery of this cheating escape me; I cannot at least fail to discern
that I am very fit to be cheated。 And can a man ever enough exalt the
value of a friend; in comparison with these civil ties? The very image
of it which I see in beasts; so pure and uncorrupted; how religiously do
I respect it! If others deceive me; yet do I not; at least; deceive
myself in thinking I am able to defend myself from them; or in cudgelling
my brains to make myself so。 I protect myself from such treasons in my
own bosom; not by an unquiet and tumultuous curiosity; but rather by
diversion and resolution。 When I hear talk of any one's condition; I
never trouble myself to think of him; I presently turn my eyes upon
myself to see in what condition I am; whatever concerns another relates
to me; the accident that has befallen him gives me caution; and rouses me
to turn my defence that way。 We every day and every hour say things of
another that we might properly say of ourselves; could we but apply our
observation to our own concerns; as well as extend it to others。 And
several authors have in this manner prejudiced their own cause by running
headlong upon those they attack; and darting those shafts against their
enemies; that are more properly; and with greater advantage; to be turned
upon themselves。
The late Mareschal de Montluc having lost his son; who died in the island
of Madeira; in truth a very worthy gentleman and of great expectation;
did to me; amongst his other regrets; very much insist upon what a sorrow
and heart…breaking it was that he had never made himself familiar with
him; and by that humour of paternal gravity and grimace to have lost the
opportunity of having an insight into and of well knowing; his son; as
also of letting him know the extreme affection he had for him; and the
worthy opinion he had of his virtue。 〃That poor boy;〃 said he; 〃never
saw in me other than a stern and disdainful countenance; and is gone in a
belief that I neither knew how to love him nor esteem him according to
his desert。 For whom did I reserve the discovery of that singular
affection I had for him in my soul? Was it not he himself; who ought to
have had all the pleasure of it; and all the obligation? I constrained
and racked myself to put on; and maintain this vain disguise; and have by
that means deprived myself of the pleasure of his conversation; and; I
doubt; in some measure; his affection; which could not but be very cold
to me; having never other from me than austerity; nor felt other than a
tyrannical manner of proceeding。〃
'Madame de Sevigne tells us that she never read this passage without
tears in her eyes。 〃My God!〃 she exclaims; 〃how full is this book
of good sense!〃 Ed。'
I find this complaint to be rational and rightly apprehended: for; as I
myself know by too certain experience; there is no so sweet consolation
in the loss of friends as the conscience of having had no reserve or
secret for them; and to have had with them a perfect and entire
communication。 Oh my friend;'La Boetie。' am I the better for being
sensible of this; or am I the worse? I am; doubtless; much the better。
I am consoled and honoured; in the sorrow for his death。 Is it not a
pious and a pleasing office of my life to be always upon my friend's
obsequies? Can there be any joy equal to this privation?
I open myself to my family; as much as I can; and very willingly let them
know the state of my opinion and good will towards them; as I do to
everybody else: I make haste to bring out and present myself to them; for
I will not have them mistaken in me; in anything。 Amongst other
particular customs of our ancient Gauls; this; as Caesar reports;'De
Bello Gall。; vi。 r8。' was one; that the sons never presented
themselves before their fathers; nor durst ever appear in their company
in public; till they began to bear arms; as if they would intimate by
this; that it was also time for their fathers to receive them into their
familiarity and acquaintance。
I have observed yet another sort of indiscretion in fathers of my time;
that; not contented with having deprived their children; during their own
long lives; of the share they naturally ought to have had in their
fortunes; they afterwards leave to their wives the same authority over
their estates; and liberty to dispose of them according to their own
fancy。 And I have known a certain lord; one of the principal officers of
the crown; who; having in reversion above fifty thousand crowns yearly
revenue; died necessitous and overwhelmed with debt at above fifty years
of age; his mother in her extremest decrepitude being yet in possession
of all his property by the will of his father; who had; for his part;
lived till near fourscore years old。 This appears to me by no means
reasonable。 And therefore I think it of very little advantage to a man;
whose affairs are well enough; to seek a wife who encumbers his estate
with a very great fortune; there is no sort of foreign debt that brings
more ruin to families than this: my predecessors have ever been aware of
that danger and provided against it; and so have I。 But those who
dissuade us from rich wives; for fear they should be less tractable and
kind; are out in their advice to make a man lose a real commodity for so
frivolous a conjecture。 It costs an unreasonable woman no more to pass
over one reason than another; they cherish themselves most where they are
most wrong。 Injustice allures them; as the honour of their virtuous
actions does the good; and the more riches they bring with them; they are
so much the more good…natured; as women; who are handsome; are all the
more inclined and proud to be chaste。
'Tis reasonable to leave the administration of affairs to the mothers;
till the children are old enough; according to law; to manage them; but
the father has brought them; up very ill; if he cannot hope that; when
they come to maturity; they will have more wisdom and ability in the
management of affairs than his wife; considering the ordinary weakness of
the sex。 It were; notwithstanding; to say the truth; more against nature
to make the mothers depend upon the discretion of their children; they
ought to be plent