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charming； the most divine； the most perfect human creature that ever trod
this earth；〃 they will smile a quiet； approving smile； and； leaning against
your manly shoulder； murmur that you are a dear good fellow after all。
By Jove！ fancy a man trying to make love on strictly truthful
principles； determining never to utter a word of mere compliment or
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
hyperbole； but to scrupulously confine himself to exact fact！ Fancy his
gazing rapturously into his mistress' eyes and whispering softly to her that
she wasn't； on the whole； bad…looking； as girls went！ Fancy his holding up
her little hand and assuring her that it was of a light drab color shot with
red； and telling her as he pressed her to his heart that her nose； for a
turned…up one； seemed rather pretty； and that her eyes appeared to him； as
far as he could judge； to be quite up to the average standard of such things！
A nice chance he would stand against the man who would tell her that
her face was like a fresh blush rose； that her hair was a wandering
sunbeam imprisoned by her smiles； and her eyes like two evening stars。
There are various ways of flattering； and； of course； you must adapt
your style to your subject。 Some people like it laid on with a trowel； and
this requires very little art。 With sensible persons； however； it needs to be
done very delicately； and more by suggestion than actual words。 A good
many like it wrapped up in the form of an insult； as〃Oh； you are a perfect
fool； you are。 You would give your last sixpence to the first hungry…
looking beggar you met；〃 while others will swallow it only when
administered through the medium of a third person； so that if C wishes to
get at an A of this sort； he must confide to A's particular friend B that he
thinks A a splendid fellow； and beg him； B； not to mention it； especially to
A。 Be careful that B is a reliable man； though； otherwise he won't。
Those fine； sturdy John Bulls who 〃hate flattery； sir；〃 〃Never let
anybody get over me by flattery；〃 etc。； etc。； are very simply managed。
Flatter them enough upon their absence of vanity； and you can do what
you like with them。
After all； vanity is as much a virtue as a vice。 It is easy to recite copy…
book maxims against its sinfulness； but it is a passion that can 〃move us to
good as well as to evil。 Ambition is only vanity ennobled。 We want to win
praise and admirationor fame as we prefer to name itand so we write
great books； and paint grand pictures； and sing sweet songs； and toil with
willing hands in study； loom； and laboratory。
We wish to become rich men； not in order to enjoy ease and comfort
all that any one man can taste of those may be purchased anywhere for
200 pounds per annumbut that our houses may be bigger and more
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
gaudily furnished than our neighbors'； that our horses and servants may be
more numerous； that we may dress our wives and daughters in absurd but
expensive clothes； and that we may give costly dinners of which we
ourselves individually do not eat a shilling's worth。 And to do this we aid
the world's work with clear and busy brain； spreading commerce among
its peoples； carrying civilization to its remotest corners。
Do not let us abuse vanity； therefore。 Rather let us use it。 Honor itself
is but the highest form of vanity。 The instinct is not confined solely to
Beau Brummels and Dolly Vardens。 There is the vanity of the peacock and
the vanity of the eagle。 Snobs are vain。 But so； too； are heroes。 Come； oh！
my young brother bucks； let us be vain together。 Let us join hands and
help each other to increase our vanity。 Let us be vain； not of our trousers
and hair； but of brave hearts and working hands； of truth； of purity； of
nobility。 Let us be too vain to stoop to aught that is mean or base； too vain
for petty selfishness and little…minded envy； too vain to say an unkind
word or do an unkind act。 Let us be vain of being single…hearted； upright
gentlemen in the midst of a world of knaves。 Let us pride ourselves upon
thinking high thoughts； achieving great deeds； living good lives。
ON GETTING ON IN THE
WORLD。
Not exactly the sort of thing for an idle fellow to think about； is it？ But
outsiders； you know； often see most of the game； and sitting in my arbor
by the wayside； smoking my hookah of contentment and eating the sweet
lotus…leaves of indolence； I can look out musingly upon the whirling
throng that rolls and tumbles past me on the great high…road of life。
Never…ending is the wild procession。 Day and night you can hear the
quick tramp of the myriad feetsome running； some walking； some
halting and lame； but all hastening； all eager in the feverish race； all
straining life and limb and heart and soul to reach the ever…receding
horizon of success。
Mark them as they surge alongmen and women； old and young；
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
gentle and simple； fair and foul； rich and poor； merry and sadall hurrying；
bustling； scrambling。 The strong pushing aside the weak； the cunning
creeping past the foolish； those behind elbowing those before； those in
front kicking； as they run； at those behind。 Look close and see the flitting
show。 Here is an old man panting for breath； and there a timid maiden
driven by a hard and sharp…faced matron； here is a studious youth； reading
〃How to Get On in the World〃 and letting everybody pass him as he
stumbles along with his eyes on his book； here is a bored…looking man；
with a fashionably dressed woman jogging his elbow； here a boy gazing
wistfully back at the sunny village that he never again will see； here； with
a firm and easy step； strides a broad…shouldered man； and here； with
stealthy tread； a thin…faced； stooping fellow dodges and shuffles upon his
way； here； with gaze fixed always on the ground； an artful rogue carefully
work