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newspaper they put their verb away over on the next page；
and I have heard that sometimes after stringing along the
exciting preliminaries and parentheses for a column or two；
they get in a hurry and have to go to press without getting
to the verb at all。 Of course； then； the reader is left
in a very exhausted and ignorant state。
We have the Parenthesis disease in our literature； too； and one
may see cases of it every day in our books and newspapers：
but with us it is the mark and sign of an unpracticed
writer or a cloudy intellect； whereas with the Germans
it is doubtless the mark and sign of a practiced pen
and of the presence of that sort of luminous intellectual
fog which stands for clearness among these people。
For surely it is NOT clearnessit necessarily can't
be clearness。 Even a jury would have penetration enough
to discover that。 A writer's ideas must be a good
deal confused； a good deal out of line and sequence；
when he starts out to say that a man met a counselor's
wife in the street； and then right in the midst of this
so simple undertaking halts these approaching people
and makes them stand still until he jots down an inventory
of the woman's dress。 That is manifestly absurd。
It reminds a person of those dentists who secure your instant
and breathless interest in a tooth by taking a grip on it
with the forceps； and then stand there and drawl through
a tedious anecdote before they give the dreaded jerk。
Parentheses in literature and dentistry are in bad taste。
The Germans have another kind of parenthesis； which they
make by splitting a verb in two and putting half of it
at the beginning of an exciting chapter and the OTHER
HALF at the end of it。 Can any one conceive of anything
more confusing than that？ These things are called
〃separable verbs。〃 The German grammar is blistered
all over with separable verbs； and the wider the two
portions of one of them are spread apart； the better
the author of the crime is pleased with his performance。
A favorite one is REISTE ABwhich means departed。
Here is an example which I culled from a novel and reduced
to English：
〃The trunks being now ready； he DE… after kissing his
mother and sisters； and once more pressing to his bosom
his adored Gretchen； who； dressed in simple white muslin；
with a single tuberose in the ample folds of her rich
brown hair； had tottered feebly down the stairs； still pale
from the terror and excitement of the past evening；
but longing to lay her poor aching head yet once again
upon the breast of him whom she loved more dearly than
life itself； PARTED。〃
However； it is not well to dwell too much on the
separable verbs。 One is sure to lose his temper early；
and if he sticks to the subject； and will not be warned；
it will at last either soften his brain or petrify it。
Personal pronouns and adjectives are a fruitful nuisance
in this language； and should have been left out。
For instance； the same sound； SIE； means YOU； and it means SHE；
and it means HER； and it means IT； and it means THEY；
and it means THEM。 Think of the ragged poverty of a
language which has to make one word do the work of sixand
a poor little weak thing of only three letters at that。
But mainly； think of the exasperation of never knowing
which of these meanings the speaker is trying to convey。
This explains why； whenever a person says SIE to me；
I generally try to kill him； if a stranger。
Now observe the Adjective。 Here was a case where simplicity
would have been an advantage； therefore； for no other reason；
the inventor of this language complicated it all he could。
When we wish to speak of our 〃good friend or friends；〃
in our enlightened tongue； we stick to the one form and have
no trouble or hard feeling about it； but with the German
tongue it is different。 When a German gets his hands
on an adjective； he declines it； and keeps on declining
it until the common sense is all declined out of it。
It is as bad as Latin。 He says； for instance：
SINGULAR
NominativeMein gutER Freund； my good friend。
GenitivesMeinES GutEN FreundES； of my good friend。
DativeMeinEM gutEN Freund； to my good friend。
AccusativeMeinEN gutEN Freund； my good friend。
PLURAL
N。MeinE gutEN FreundE； my good friends。 G。MeinER gutEN
FreundE； of my good friends。 D。MeinEN gutEN FreundEN；
to my good friends。 A。MeinE gutEN FreundE； my good friends。
Now let the candidate for the asylum try to memorize
those variations； and see how soon he will be elected。
One might better go without friends in Germany than take
all this trouble about them。 I have shown what a bother
it is to decline a good （male） friend； well this is
only a third of the work； for there is a variety of new
distortions of the adjective to be learned when the object
is feminine； and still another when the object is neuter。
Now there are more adjectives in this language than there
are black cats in Switzerland； and they must all be as
elaborately declined as the examples above suggested。
Difficult？troublesome？these words cannot describe it。
I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say； in one of
his calmest moods； that he would rather decline two drinks
than one German adjective。
The inventor of the language seems to have taken pleasure
in complicating it in every way he could think of。
For instance； if one is casually referring to a house；
HAUS； or a horse； PFERD； or a dog； HUND； he spells these
words as I have indicated； but if he is referring to them
in the Dative case； he sticks on a foolish and unnecessary
E and spells them HAUSE； PFERDE； HUNDE。 So； as an added
E often signifies the plural； as the S does with us；
the new student is likely to go on for a month making
twins out of a Dative dog before he discovers his mistake；
and on the other hand； many a new student who could ill
afford loss； has bought and paid for two dogs and only
got one of them； because he ignorantly bought that dog
in the Dative singular when he really supposed he was
talking pluralwhich left the law on the seller's side；
of course； by the strict rules of grammar； and therefore
a suit for recovery could not lie。
In German； all the Nouns begin with a capital letter。
Now that is a good idea； and a good idea； in this language；
is necessarily conspicuous from its lonesomeness。 I consider
this capitalizing of nouns a good idea； because by reason
of it you are almost always able to tell a noun the minute
you see it。 You fall into error occasionally； because you
mistake the name of a person for the name of a thing；
and waste a good deal of time trying to dig a meaning
out of it。 German names almost always do mean something；
and this helps to deceive the student。 I translated
a passage one day； which said that 〃the infuriated tigress
broke loose and utterly ate up the unfortunate fir forest〃
（Tannenwald）。 When I was girding up my loins to do