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love of life-第5章

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but that he should be destroyed violently before starvation had 

exhausted the last particle of the endeavor in him that made toward 

surviving。  There were the wolves。  Back and forth across the 

desolation drifted their howls; weaving the very air into a fabric 

of menace that was so tangible that he found himself; arms in the 

air; pressing it back from him as it might be the walls of a wind…

blown tent。



Now and again the wolves; in packs of two and three; crossed his 

path。  But they sheered clear of him。  They were not in sufficient 

numbers; and besides they were hunting the caribou; which did not 

battle; while this strange creature that walked erect might scratch 

and bite。



In the late afternoon he came upon scattered bones where the wolves 

had made a kill。  The debris had been a caribou calf an hour 

before; squawking and running and very much alive。  He contemplated 

the bones; clean…picked and polished; pink with the cell…life in 

them which had not yet died。  Could it possibly be that he might be 

that ere the day was done!  Such was life; eh?  A vain and fleeting 

thing。  It was only life that pained。  There was no hurt in death。  

To die was to sleep。  It meant cessation; rest。  Then why was he 

not content to die?



But he did not moralize long。  He was squatting in the moss; a bone 

in his mouth; sucking at the shreds of life that still dyed it 

faintly pink。  The sweet meaty taste; thin and elusive almost as a 

memory; maddened him。  He closed his jaws on the bones and 

crunched。  Sometimes it was the bone that broke; sometimes his 

teeth。  Then he crushed the bones between rocks; pounded them to a 

pulp; and swallowed them。  He pounded his fingers; too; in his 

haste; and yet found a moment in which to feel surprise at the fact 

that his fingers did not hurt much when caught under the descending 

rock。



Came frightful days of snow and rain。  He did not know when he made 

camp; when he broke camp。  He travelled in the night as much as in 

the day。  He rested wherever he fell; crawled on whenever the dying 

life in him flickered up and burned less dimly。  He; as a man; no 

longer strove。  It was the life in him; unwilling to die; that 

drove him on。  He did not suffer。  His nerves had become blunted; 

numb; while his mind was filled with weird visions and delicious 

dreams。



But ever he sucked and chewed on the crushed bones of the caribou 

calf; the least remnants of which he had gathered up and carried 

with him。  He crossed no more hills or divides; but automatically 

followed a large stream which flowed through a wide and shallow 

valley。  He did not see this stream nor this valley。  He saw 

nothing save visions。  Soul and body walked or crawled side by 

side; yet apart; so slender was the thread that bound them。



He awoke in his right mind; lying on his back on a rocky ledge。  

The sun was shining bright and warm。  Afar off he heard the 

squawking of caribou calves。  He was aware of vague memories of 

rain and wind and snow; but whether he had been beaten by the storm 

for two days or two weeks he did not know。



For some time he lay without movement; the genial sunshine pouring 

upon him and saturating his miserable body with its warmth。  A fine 

day; he thought。  Perhaps he could manage to locate himself。  By a 

painful effort he rolled over on his side。  Below him flowed a wide 

and sluggish river。  Its unfamiliarity puzzled him。  Slowly he 

followed it with his eyes; winding in wide sweeps among the bleak; 

bare hills; bleaker and barer and lower…lying than any hills he had 

yet encountered。  Slowly; deliberately; without excitement or more 

than the most casual interest; he followed the course of the 

strange stream toward the sky…line and saw it emptying into a 

bright and shining sea。  He was still unexcited。  Most unusual; he 

thought; a vision or a mirage … more likely a vision; a trick of 

his disordered mind。  He was confirmed in this by sight of a ship 

lying at anchor in the midst of the shining sea。  He closed his 

eyes for a while; then opened them。  Strange how the vision 

persisted!  Yet not strange。  He knew there were no seas or ships 

in the heart of the barren lands; just as he had known there was no 

cartridge in the empty rifle。



He heard a snuffle behind him … a half…choking gasp or cough。  Very 

slowly; because of his exceeding weakness and stiffness; he rolled 

over on his other side。  He could see nothing near at hand; but he 

waited patiently。  Again came the snuffle and cough; and outlined 

between two jagged rocks not a score of feet away he made out the 

gray head of a wolf。  The sharp ears were not pricked so sharply as 

he had seen them on other wolves; the eyes were bleared and 

bloodshot; the head seemed to droop limply and forlornly。  The 

animal blinked continually in the sunshine。  It seemed sick。  As he 

looked it snuffled and coughed again。



This; at least; was real; he thought; and turned on the other side 

so that he might see the reality of the world which had been veiled 

from him before by the vision。  But the sea still shone in the 

distance and the ship was plainly discernible。  Was it reality; 

after all?  He closed his eyes for a long while and thought; and 

then it came to him。  He had been making north by east; away from 

the Dease Divide and into the Coppermine Valley。  This wide and 

sluggish river was the Coppermine。  That shining sea was the Arctic 

Ocean。  That ship was a whaler; strayed east; far east; from the 

mouth of the Mackenzie; and it was lying at anchor in Coronation 

Gulf。  He remembered the Hudson Bay Company chart he had seen long 

ago; and it was all clear and reasonable to him。



He sat up and turned his attention to immediate affairs。  He had 

worn through the blanket…wrappings; and his feet were shapeless 

lumps of raw meat。  His last blanket was gone。  Rifle and knife 

were both missing。  He had lost his hat somewhere; with the bunch 

of matches in the band; but the matches against his chest were safe 

and dry inside the tobacco pouch and oil paper。  He looked at his 

watch。  It marked eleven o'clock and was still running。  Evidently 

he had kept it wound。



He was calm and collected。  Though extremely weak; he had no 

sensation of pain。  He was not hungry。  The thought of food was not 

even pleasant to him; and whatever he did was done by his reason 

alone。  He ripped off his pants' legs to the knees and bound them 

about his feet。  Somehow he had succeeded in retaining the tin 

bucket。  He would have some hot water before he began what he 

foresaw was to be a terrible journey to the ship。



His movements were slow。  He shook as with a palsy。  When he 

started to collect dry moss; he found he could not rise to his 

feet。  He tried again and again; then contented himself with 

crawling about on hands and knees。  Once he crawled near to the 

sick wolf。  The animal dragged itself 
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