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committee or otherwise； can retain any illusions as to the appalling effects
on our national manners and character of the organization of the home and
the school as petty tyrannies； and the absence of all teaching of self…
respect and training in self…assertion。 Bullied and ordered about； the
Englishman obeys like a sheep； evades like a knave； or tries to murder his
oppressor。 Merely criticized or opposed in committee； or invited to
consider anybody's views but his own； he feels personally insulted and
wants to resign or leave the room unless he is apologized to。 And his
panic and bewilderment when he sees that the older hands at the work
have no patience with him and do not intend to treat him as infallible； are
pitiable as far as they are anything but ludicrous。 That is what comes of
not being taught to consider other people's wills； and left to submit to them
or to over…ride them as if they were the winds and the weather。 Such a
state of mind is incompatible not only with the democratic introduction of
high civilization； but with the comprehension and maintenance of such
civilized institutions as have been introduced by benevolent and intelligent
despots and aristocrats。
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
We Must Reform Society before we
can Reform Ourselves
When we come to the positive problem of what to do with children if
we are to give up the established plan； we find the difficulties so great that
we begin to understand why so many people who detest the system and
look back with loathing on their own schooldays； must helplessly send
their children to the very schools they themselves were sent to； because
there is no alternative except abandoning the children to undisciplined
vagabondism。 Man in society must do as everybody else does in his
class： only fools and romantic novices imagine that freedom is a mere
matter of the readiness of the individual to snap his fingers at convention。
It is true that most of us live in a condition of quite unnecessary inhibition；
wearing ugly and uncomfortable clothes； making ourselves and other
people miserable by the heathen horrors of mourning； staying away from
the theatre because we cannot afford the stalls and are ashamed to go to
the pit； and in dozens of other ways enslaving ourselves when there are
comfortable alternatives open to us without any real drawbacks。 The
contemplation of these petty slaveries； and of the triumphant ease with
which sensible people throw them off； creates an impression that if we
only take Johnson's advice to free our minds from cant； we can achieve
freedom。 But if we all freed our minds from cant we should find that for
the most part we should have to go on doing the necessary work of the
world exactly as we did it before until we organized new and free methods
of doing it。 Many people believed in secondary co…education （boys and
girls taught together） before schools like Bedales were founded： indeed
the practice was common enough in elementary schools and in Scotland；
but their belief did not help them until Bedales and St George's were
organized； and there are still not nearly enough co…educational schools in
existence to accommodate all the children of the parents who believe in
co…education up to university age； even if they could always afford the
fees of these exceptional schools。 It may be edifying to tell a duke that
our public schools are all wrong in their constitution and methods； or a
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
costermonger that children should be treated as in Goethe's Wilhelm
Meister instead of as they are treated at the elementary school at the corner
of his street； but what are the duke and the coster to do？ Neither of them
has any effective choice in the matter： their children must either go to
the schools that are； or to no school at all。 And as the duke thinks with
reason that his son will be a lout or a milksop or a prig if he does not go to
school； and the coster knows that his son will become an illiterate
hooligan if he is left to the streets； there is no real alternative for either of
them。 Child life must be socially organized： no parent； rich or poor；
can choose institutions that do not exist； and the private enterprise of
individual school masters appealing to a group of well…to…do parents；
though it may shew what can be done by enthusiasts with new methods；
cannot touch the mass of our children。 For the average parent or child
nothing is really available except the established practice； and this is what
makes it so important that the established practice should be a sound one；
and so useless for clever individuals to disparage it unless they can
organize an alternative practice and make it； too； general。
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
The Pursuit of Manners
If you cross…examine the duke and the coster； you will find that they
are not concerned for the scholastic attainments of their children。 Ask the
duke whether he could pass the standard examination of twelve…year…old
children in elementary schools； and he will admit； with an entirely placid
smile； that he would almost certainly be ignominiously plucked。 And he
is so little ashamed of or disadvantaged by his condition that he is not
prepared to spend an hour in remedying it。 The coster may resent the
inquiry instead of being amused by it； but his answer； if true； will be the
same。 What they both want for their children is the communal training；
the apprenticeship to society； the lessons in holding one's own among
people of all sorts with whom one is not； as in the home； on privileged
terms。 These can be acquired only by 〃mixing with the world；〃 no matter
how wicked the world is。 No parent cares twopence whether his c