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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
The Fate of the Family
The difficulty of inducing people to talk sensibly about the family is
the same as that which I pointed out in a previous volume as confusing
discussions of marriage。 Marriage is not a single invariable institution：
it changes from civilization to civilization； from religion to religion； from
civil code to civil code； from frontier to frontier。 The family is still more
variable； because the number of persons constituting a family； unlike the
number of persons constituting a marriage； varies from one to twenty：
indeed； when a widower with a family marries a widow with a family； and
the two produce a third family； even that very high number may be
surpassed。 And the conditions may vary between opposite extremes： for
example； in a London or Paris slum every child adds to the burden of
poverty and helps to starve the parents and all the other children； whereas
in a settlement of pioneer colonists every child； from the moment it is big
enough to lend a hand to the family industry； is an investment in which the
only danger is that of temporary over…capitalization。 Then there are the
variations in family sentiment。 Sometimes the family organization is as
frankly political as the organization of an army or an industry： fathers
being no more expected to be sentimental about their children than
colonels about soldiers； or factory owners about their employees； though
the mother may be allowed a little tenderness if her character is weak。
The Roman father was a despot： the Chinese father is an object of
worship： the sentimental modern western father is often a play…fellow
looked to for toys and pocket…money。 The farmer sees his children
constantly： the squire sees them only during the holidays； and not then
oftener than he can help： the tram conductor； when employed by a joint
stock company； sometimes never sees them at all。
Under such circumstances phrases like The Influence of Home Life；
The Family； The Domestic Hearth； and so on； are no more specific than
The Mammals； or The Man In The Street； and the pious generalizations
founded so glibly on them by our sentimental moralists are unworkable。
When households average twelve persons with the sexes about equally
represented； the results may be fairly good。 When they average three the
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A TREATISE ON PARENTS AND CHILDREN
results may be very bad indeed； and to lump the two together under the
general term The Family is to confuse the question hopelessly。 The
modern small family is much too stuffy： children 〃brought up at home〃
in it are unfit for society。 But here again circumstances differ。 If the
parents live in what is called a garden suburb； where there is a good deal
of social intercourse； and the family； instead of keeping itself to itself； as
the evil old saying is； and glowering at the neighbors over the blinds of the
long street in which nobody knows his neighbor and everyone wishes to
deceive him as to his income and social importance； is in effect broken up
by school life； by out…of…door habits； and by frank neighborly intercourse
through dances and concerts and theatricals and excursions and the like；
families of four may turn out much less barbarous citizens than families of
ten which attain the Boer ideal of being out of sight of one another's
chimney smoke。
All one can say is； roughly； that the homelier the home； and the more
familiar the family； the worse for everybody concerned。 The family ideal
is a humbug and a nuisance： one might as reasonably talk of the barrack
ideal； or the forecastle ideal； or any other substitution of the machinery of
social organization for the end of it； which must always be the fullest and
most capable life： in short； the most godly life。 And this significant
word reminds us that though the popular conception of heaven includes a
Holy Family； it does not attach to that family the notion of a separate
home； or a private nursery or kitchen or mother…in…law； or anything that
constitutes the family as we know it。 Even blood relationship is
miraculously abstracted from it； and the Father is the father of all children；
the mother the mother of all mothers and babies； and the Son the Son of
Man and the Savior of his brothers： one whose chief utterance on the
subject of the conventional family was an invitation to all of us to leave
our families and follow him； and to leave the dead to bury the dead； and
not debauch ourselves at that gloomy festival the family funeral； with its
sequel of hideous mourning and grief which is either affected or morbid。
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Family Mourning
I do not know how far this detestable custom of mourning is carried in
France； but judging from the appearance of the French people I should say
that a Frenchwoman goes into mourning for her cousins to the seventeenth
degree。 The result is that when I cross the Channel I seem to have
reached a country devastated by war or pestilence。 It is really suffering
only from the family。 Will anyone pretend that England has not the best
of this striking difference？ Yet it is such senseless and unnatural
conventions as this that make us so impatient of what we call family
feeling。 Even apart from its insufferable pretensions； the family needs
hearty discrediting； for there is hardly any vulnerable part of it that could
not be amputated with advantage。
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Art Teaching
By art teaching I hasten to say that I do not mean giving children
lessons in freehand drawing and perspective。 I am simply calling
attention to the fact that fine art is the only teacher except torture。