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schoolmaster presumably did care enough whether Sam learned anything
to beat him savagely enough to force him to lame his mind for Johnson's
great mind _was_ lamedby learning his lessons。 None of my
schoolmasters really cared a rap （or perhaps it would be fairer to them to
say that their employers did not care a rap and therefore did not give them
the necessary caning powers） whether I learnt my lessons or not； provided
my father paid my schooling bill； the collection of which was the real
object of the school。 Consequently I did not learn my school lessons；
having much more important ones in hand； with the result that I have not
wasted my life trifling with literary fools in taverns as Johnson did when
he should have been shaking England with the thunder of his spirit。 My
schooling did me a great deal of harm and no good whatever： it was
simply dragging a child's soul through the dirt； but I escaped Squeers and
Creakle just as I escaped Johnson and Carlyle。 And this is what happens
to most of us。 We are not effectively coerced to learn： we stave off
punishment as far as we can by lying and trickery and guessing and using
our wits； and when this does not suffice we scribble impositions； or suffer
extra imprisonments〃keeping in〃 was the phrase in my timeor let a
master strike us with a cane and fall back on our pride at being able to hear
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it physically （he not being allowed to hit us too hard） to outface the
dishonor we should have been taught to die rather than endure。 And so
idleness and worthlessness on the one hand and a pretence of coercion on
the other became a despicable routine。 If my schoolmasters had been
really engaged in educating me instead of painfully earning their bread by
keeping me from annoying my elders they would have turned me out of
the school； telling me that I was thoroughly disloyal to it； that I had no
intention of learning； that I was mocking and distracting the boys who did
wish to learn； that I was a liar and a shirker and a seditious little nuisance；
and that nothing could injure me in character and degrade their occupation
more than allowing me （much less forcing me） to remain in the school
under such conditions。 But in order to get expelled； it was necessary
commit a crime of such atrocity that the parents of other boys would have
threatened to remove their sons sooner than allow them to be
schoolfellows with the delinquent。 I can remember only one case in
which such a penalty was threatened； and in that case the culprit； a boarder；
had kissed a housemaid； or possibly； being a handsome youth； been kissed
by her。 She did not kiss me； and nobody ever dreamt of expelling me。
The truth was； a boy meant just so much a year to the institution。 That
was why he was kept there against his will。 That was why he was kept
there when his expulsion would have been an unspeakable relief and
benefit both to his teachers and himself。
It may be argued that if the uncommercial attitude had been taken； and
all the disloyal wasters and idlers shewn sternly to the door； the school
would not have been emptied； but filled。 But so honest an attitude was
impossible。 The masters must have hated the school much more than the
boys did。 Just as you cannot imprison a man without imprisoning a
warder to see that he does not escape； the warder being tied to the prison
as effectually by the fear of unemployment and starvation as the prisoner
is by the bolts and bars； so these poor schoolmasters； with their small
salaries and large classes； were as much prisoners as we were； and much
more responsible and anxious ones。 They could not impose the heroic
attitude on their employers； nor would they have been able to obtain
places as schoolmasters if their habits had been heroic。 For the best of
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them their employment was provisional： they looked forward to
escaping from it into the pulpit。 The ablest and most impatient of them
were often so irritated by the awkward； slow…witted； slovenly boys： that
is； the ones that required special consideration and patient treatment； that
they vented their irritation on them ruthlessly； nothing being easier than to
entrap or bewilder such a boy into giving a pretext for punishing him。
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My Scholastic Acquirements
The results； as far as I was concerned； were what might have been
expected。 My school made only the thinnest pretence of teaching
anything but Latin and Greek。 When I went there as a very small boy I
knew a good deal of Latin grammar which I had been taught in a few
weeks privately by my uncle。 When I had been several years at school
this same uncle examined me and discovered that the net result of my
schooling was that I had forgotten what he had taught me； and had learnt
nothing else。 To this day； though I can still decline a Latin noun and
repeat some of the old paradigms in the old meaningless way； because
their rhythm sticks to me； I have never yet seen a Latin inscription on a
tomb that I could translate throughout。 Of Greek I can decipher perhaps
the greater part of the Greek alphabet。 In short； I am； as to classical
education； another Shakespear。 I can read French as easily as English；
and under pressure of necessity I can turn to account some scraps of
German and a little operatic Italian； but these I was never taught at school。
Instead； I was taught lying； dishonorable submission to tyranny； dirty
stories； a blasphemous habit of treating love and maternity as obscene
jokes； hopelessness； evasion； derision； cowardice； and all the blackguard's
shif