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〃Thank you；〃 said he； simply； 〃and when will the swine be gone？ I
can't starve because he's ruining my work。 I wanted to get hold of the
Degumber Rajah down here about his father's widow； and give him a
jump。〃
〃What did he do to his father's widow； then？〃
〃Filled her up with red pepper and slippered her to death as she hung
from a beam。 I found that out myself； and I'm the only man that would
dare going into the State to get hush…money for it。 They'll try to poison me；
same as they did in Chortumna when I went on the loot there。 But you'll
give the man at Marwar Junction my message？〃
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He got out at a little roadside station； and I reflected。 I had heard； more
than once； of men personating correspondents of newspapers and bleeding
small Native States with threats of exposure； but I had never met any of
the caste before。 They lead a hard life； and generally die with great
suddenness。 The Native States have a wholesome horror of English
newspapers； which may throw light on their peculiar methods of
government； and do their best to choke correspondents with champagne；
or drive them out of their mind with four…in…hand barouches。 They do not
understand that nobody cares a straw for the internal administration of
Native States so long as oppression and crime are kept within decent limits；
and the ruler is not drugged； drunk； or diseased from one end of the year to
the other。 They are the dark places of the earth； full of unimaginable
cruelty； touching the Railway and the Telegraph on one side； and； on the
other； the days of Harun…al…Raschid。 When I left the train I did business
with divers Kings； and in eight days passed through many changes of life。
Sometimes I wore dress…clothes and consorted with Princes and Politicals；
drinking from crystal and eating from silver。 Sometimes I lay out upon the
ground and devoured what I could get； from a plate made of leaves； and
drank the running water； and slept under the same rug as my servant。 It
was all in the day's work。
Then I headed for the Great Indian Desert upon the proper date； as I
had promised； and the night Mail set me down at Marwar Junction； where
a funny little； happy…go…lucky； native…managed railway runs to Jodhpore。
The Bombay Mail from Delhi makes a short halt at Marwar。 She arrived
just as I got in； and I had just time to hurry to her platform and go down
the carriages。 There was only one Second…class on the train。 I slipped the
window and looked down upon a flaming…red beard； half covered by a
railway…rug。 That was my man； fast asleep； and I dug him gently in the
ribs。 He woke with a grunt； and I saw his face in the light of the lamps。 It
was a great and shining face。
〃Tickets again？〃 said he。
〃No；〃 said I。 〃I am to tell you that he is gone South for the week。 He
has gone South for the week！〃
The train had begun to move out。 The red man rubbed his eyes。 〃He
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STORIES
has gone South for the week；〃 he repeated。 〃Now that's just like his
impidence。 Did he say that I was to give you anything？ 'Cause I won't。〃
〃He didn't；〃 I said； and dropped away； and watched the red lights die
out in the dark。 It was horribly cold because the wind was blowing off the
sands。 I climbed into my own trainnot an Intermediate carriage this time…
…and went to sleep。
If the man with the beard had given me a rupee I should have kept it as
a memento of a rather curious affair。 But the consciousness of having done
my duty was my only reward。
Later on I reflected that two gentlemen like my friends could not do
any good if they foregathered and personated correspondents of
newspapers； and might； if they blackmailed one of the little rat…trap States
of Central India or Southern Rajputana； get themselves into serious
difficulties。 I therefore took some trouble to describe them as accurately as
I could remember to people who would be interested in deporting them；
and succeeded； so I was later informed； in having them headed back from
the Degumber borders。
Then I became respectable； and returned to an office where there were
no Kings and no incidents outside the daily manufacture of a newspaper。 A
newspaper office seems to attract every conceivable sort of person； to the
prejudice of discipline。 Zenana…mission ladies arrive； and beg that the
Editor will instantly abandon all his duties to describe a Christian prize…
giving in a back slum of a perfectly inaccessible village； Colonels who
have been overpassed for command sit down and sketch the outline of a
series of ten； twelve； or twenty… four leading articles on Seniority /versus/
Selection； missionaries wish to know why they have not been permitted to
escape from their regular vehicles of abuse； and swear at a brother
missionary under special patronage of the editorial We； stranded theatrical
companies troop up to explain that they cannot pay for their
advertisements； but on their return from New Zealand or Tahiti will do so
with interest； inventors of patent punka…pulling machines； carriage
couplings； and unbreakable swords and axletrees call with specifications
in their pockets and hours at their disposal； tea companies enter and
elaborate their prospectuses with the office pens； secretaries of ball
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committees clamour to have the glories of their last dance more fully
described； strange ladies rustle in and say； 〃I want a hundred lady's cards
printed /at once/； please；〃 which is manifestly part of an Editor's duty； and
every dissolute ruffian that ever tramped the Grand Trunk Road makes it
his business to ask for employment as a proof… reader。 And； all the time；
the telephone…bell is ringing madly； and Kings are being killed on the
Continent； and Empires are saying； 〃You're another；〃 and Mister
Gladstone is calling down brimstone upon the British Dominions； and the
little black copyboys are whining； 〃/kaa…pi chay…ha…yeh/〃 （〃Copy wanted〃）；
like tired bees； and most of the paper is as blank as Modred's shield。