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to speak to me now I am here？〃
〃Why did you come？ I told you not to come；〃 she answered；
falteringly。 〃I〃 she paused。
〃And I replied that I should follow youif you remember；〃 he
answered； still quietly。 〃I came because I would not listen to what you said
then； at that awful time。 You didn't know /yourself/ what you said。 No
wonder！ I have given you some months； and now I have come。〃
There was silence between them。 Broomhurst saw that she was crying；
her tears fell fast on to her hands； that were clasped in her lap。 Her face； he
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noticed； was thin and drawn。
Very gently he put his arm round her shoulder and drew her nearer to
him。 She made no resistance； it seemed that she did not notice the
movement； and his arm dropped at his side。
〃You asked me why I had come。 You think it possible that three
months can change one very thoroughly； then？〃 he said； in a cold voice。
〃I not only think it possible； I have proved it；〃 she replied； wearily。
He turned round and faced her。
〃You /did/ love me； Kathleen！〃 he asserted。 〃You never said so in
words； but I know it；〃 he added； fiercely。
〃Yes； I did。〃
〃Andyou mean that you don't now？〃
Her voice was very tired。 〃Yes； I can't help it；〃 she answered； 〃it has
goneutterly。〃
The gray sea slowly lapped the rocks。 Overhead the sharp scream of a
gull cut through the stillness。 It was broken again； a moment afterward； by
a short hard laugh from the man。
〃Don't！〃 she whispered； and laid a hand swiftly on his arm。 〃Do you
think it isn't worse for me？ I wish to God I /did/ love you！〃 she cried；
passionately。 〃Perhaps it would make me forget that； to all intents and
purposes； I am a murderess。
Broomhurst met her wide； despairing eyes with an amazement which
yielded to sudden pitying comprehension。
〃So that is it； my darling？ You are worrying about /that/？ You who
were as loyal as〃
She stopped him with a frantic gesture。
〃Don't！ /don't！/〃 she wailed。 〃If you only knew！ Let me try to tell you
will you？〃 she urged； pitifully。 〃It may be better if I tell some oneif I
don't keep it all to myself； and think； and /think/。〃
She clasped her hands tight； with the old gesture he remembered when
she was struggling for self…control； and waited a moment。
Presently she began to speak in a low； hurried tone： 〃It began before
you came。 I know now what the feeling was that I was afraid to
acknowledge to myself。 I used to try and smother it； I used to repeat things
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to myself all daypoems； stupid rhymes/anything/ to keep my thoughts
quite underneathbut I/hated/ John before you came！ We had been
married nearly a year then。 I never loved him。 Of course you are going to
say； 'Why did you marry him？' 〃 She looked drearily over the placid sea。
〃Why /did/ I marry him？ I don't know； for the reason that hundreds of
ignorant； inexperienced girls marry； I suppose。 My home wasn't a happy
one。 I was miserable； and oh/restless/。 I wonder if men know what it
feels like to be restless？ Sometimes I think they can't even guess。 John
wanted me very badly； nobody wanted me at home particularly。 There
didn't seem to be any point in my life。 Do you understand？ 。 。 。 Of course；
being alone with him in that little camp in that silent plain〃she
shuddered〃made things worse。 My nerves went all to pieces。 Everything
he said； his voice； his accent； his walk； the way he ate； irritated me so that
I longed to rush out sometimes and shriekand go /mad/。 Does it sound
ridiculous to you to be driven mad by such trifles？ I only know I used to
get up from the table sometimes and walk up and down outside； with both
hands over my mouth to keep myself quiet。 And all the time I /hated/
myselfhow I hated myself！ I never had a word from him that wasn't
gentle and tender。 I believe he loved the ground I walked on。 Oh； it is
/awful/ to be loved like that when you〃 She drew in her breath with a sob。
〃IIit made me sick for him to come near meto touch me。〃 She stopped
a moment。
Broomhurst gently laid his hand on her quivering one。 〃Poor little
girl！〃 he murmured。
〃Then /you/ came；〃 she said； 〃and before long I had another feeling to
fight against。 At first I thought it couldn't be true that I loved you it
would die down。 I think I was /frightened/ at the feeling； I didn't know it
hurt so to love any one。〃
Broomhurst stirred a little。 〃Go on；〃 he said； tersely。
〃But it didn't die；〃 she continued； in a trembling whisper； 〃and the
other /awful/ feeling grew stronger and strongerhatred； no； that is not the
word/loathing/ forforJohn。 I fought against it。 Yes；〃 she cried；
feverishly； clasping and unclasping her hands； 〃Heaven knows I fought it
with all my strength； and reasoned with myself； and oh； I did
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/everything/； but〃 Her quick…falling tears made speech difficult。
〃Kathleen！〃 Broomhurst urged； desperately； 〃you couldn't help it； you
poor child。 You say yourself you struggled against your feelings。 You were
always gentle； perhaps he didn't know。〃
〃But he didhe /did/；〃 she wailed； 〃it is just that。 I hurt him a hundred
times a day； he never said so； but I knew it； and yet I /couldn't/ be kind to
him；except in words；and he understood。 And after you came it was
worse in one way； for he knewI /felt/ he knew that I loved you。 His
eyes used to follow me like a dog's； and I was stabbed with remorse； and I
tried to be good to him； but I couldn't。〃
〃Buthe didn't suspecthe trusted you；〃 began Broomhurst。 〃He had
every reason。 No woman was ever so loyal； so〃
〃Hush！〃 she almost screamed。 〃Loyal！ it was the least I could doto
stop you； I meanwhen youAfter all； I knew it without your telling me。 I
had deliberately married him without loving him。 It was my own fault。 I
felt it。 Even if I couldn't prevent his