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Introducer's good…natured interference has been to make two fellow…
creatures miserable。
A friend was telling me the other day of the martyrdom he had
suffered from this class。 He spoke with much feeling； as he is the soul of
amiability； but somewhat short…sighted and afflicted with a hopelessly bad
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memory for faces。 For the last few years； he has been in the habit of
spending one or two of the winter months in Washington； where his
friends put him up at one club or another。 Each winter on his first
appearance at one of these clubs； some kindly disposed old fogy is sure to
present him to a circle of the members； and he finds himself
indiscriminately shaking hands with Judges and Colonels。 As little or no
conversation follows these introductions to fix the individuality of the
members in his mind； he unconsciously cuts two…thirds of his newly
acquired circle the next afternoon； and the following winter； after a ten…
months' absence； he innocently ignores the other third。 So hopelessly has
he offended in this way； that last season； on being presented to a club
member； the latter peevishly blurted out：
〃This is the fourth time I have been introduced to Mr。 Blank； but he
never remembers me；〃 and glared coldly at him； laying it all down to my
friend's snobbishness and to the airs of a New Yorker when away from
home。 If instead of being sacrificed to the introducer's mistaken zeal my
poor friend had been left quietly to himself； he would in good time have
met the people congenial to him and avoided giving offence to a number
of kindly gentlemen。
This introducing mania takes an even more aggressive form in the
hostess； who imagines that she is lacking in hospitality if any two people
in her drawing…room are not made known to each other。 No matter how
interested you may be in a chat with a friend； you will see her bearing
down upon you； bringing in tow the one human being you have carefully
avoided for years。 Escape seems impossible； but as a forlorn hope you
fling yourself into conversation with your nearest neighbor； trying by your
absorbed manner to ward off the calamity。 In vain！ With a tap on your
elbow your smiling hostess introduces you and； having spoiled your
afternoon； flits off in search of other prey。
The question of introductions is one on which it is impossible to lay
down any fixed rules。 There must constantly occur situations where one's
acts must depend upon a kindly consideration for other people's feelings；
which after all； is only another name for tact。 Nothing so plainly shows the
breeding of a man or woman as skill in solving problems of this kind
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Worldly Ways and Byways
without giving offence。
Foreigners； with their greater knowledge of the world； rarely fall into
the error of indiscriminate introducing； appreciating what a presentation
means and what obligations it entails。 The English fall into exactly the
contrary error from ours； and carry it to absurd lengths。 Starting with the
assumption that everybody knows everybody； and being aware of the
general dread of meeting 〃detrimentals；〃 they avoid the difficulty by
making no introductions。 This may work well among themselves； but it is
trying to a stranger whom they have been good enough to ask to their
tables； to sit out the meal between two people who ignore his presence and
converse across him； for an Englishman will expire sooner than speak to a
person to whom he has not been introduced。
The French； with the marvellous tact that has for centuries made them
the law…givers on all subjects of etiquette and breeding； have another way
of avoiding useless introductions。 They assume that two people meeting in
a drawing…room belong to the same world and so chat pleasantly with
those around them。 On leaving the SALON the acquaintance is supposed
to end； and a gentleman who should at another time or place bow or speak
to the lady who had offered him a cup of tea and talked pleasantly to him
over it at a friend's reception； would commit a gross breach of etiquette。
I was once present at a large dinner given in Cologne to the American
Geographical Society。 No sooner was I seated than my two neighbors
turned towards me mentioning their names and waiting for me to do the
same。 After that the conversation flowed on as among friends。 This custom
struck me as exceedingly well…bred and calculated to make a foreigner feel
at his ease。
Among other curious types； there are people so constituted that they
are unhappy if a single person can be found in the room to whom they
have not been introduced。 It does not matter who the stranger may be or
what chance there is of finding him congenial。 They must be presented；
nothing else will content them。 If you are chatting with a friend you feel a
pull at your sleeve； and in an audible aside； they ask for an introduction。
The aspirant will then bring up and present the members of his family who
happen to be near。 After that he seems to be at ease； and having absolutely
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nothing to say will soon drift off。 Our public men suffer terribly from
promiscuous introductions； it is a part of a political career； a good memory
for names and faces and a cordial manner under fire have often gone a
long way in floating a statesman on to success。
Demand； we are told； creates supply。 During a short stay in a Florida
hotel last winter； I noticed a curious little man who looked like a cross
between a waiter and a musician。 As he spoke to me several times and
seemed very officious； I asked who he was。 The answer was so grotesque
that I could not believe my ears。 I was told that he held the position of
official 〃introducer；〃 or master of ceremonies； and that the guests under his
guidance became known to each other； danced； rode； and married to their