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the stage； he likes to see it done in the thorough…going style； with no
mistake about it： to which end it is essential that the child should follow
the father on her knees； and be knocked violently over on her face by the
old gentleman as he goes into a small cottage； and shuts the door behind
him。 He likes to see a blessing invoked upon the young lady； when the
old gentleman repents； with equal earnestness； and accompanied by the
usual conventional forms； which consist of the old gentleman looking
anxiously up into the clouds； as if to see whether it rains； and then
spreading an imaginary tablecloth in the air over the young lady's head …
soft music playing all the while。 Upon these； and other points of a
similar kind； the theatrical young gentleman is a great critic indeed。 He
is likewise very acute in judging of natural expressions of the passions；
and knows precisely the frown； wink； nod； or leer； which stands for any
one of them； or the means by which it may be converted into any other：
as jealousy； with a good stamp of the right foot； becomes anger； or
wildness； with the hands clasped before the throat； instead of tearing the
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
wig； is passionate love。 If you venture to express a doubt of the accuracy
of any of these portraitures； the theatrical young gentleman assures you；
with a haughty smile； that it always has been done in that way； and he
supposes they are not going to change it at this time of day to please you；
to which； of course； you meekly reply that you suppose not。
There are innumerable disquisitions of this nature； in which the
theatrical young gentleman is very profound； especially to ladies whom he
is most in the habit of entertaining with them； but as we have no space to
recapitulate them at greater length； we must rest content with calling the
attention of the young ladies in general to the theatrical young gentlemen
of their own acquaintance。
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
THE POETICAL YOUNG
GENTLEMAN
Time was； and not very long ago either； when a singular epidemic
raged among the young gentlemen； vast numbers of whom； under the
influence of the malady； tore off their neckerchiefs； turned down their shirt
collars； and exhibited themselves in the open streets with bare throats and
dejected countenances； before the eyes of an astonished public。 These
were poetical young gentlemen。 The custom was gradually found to be
inconvenient； as involving the necessity of too much clean linen and too
large washing bills； and these outward symptoms have consequently
passed away； but we are disposed to think； notwithstanding； that the
number of poetical young gentlemen is considerably on the increase。
We know a poetical young gentleman … a very poetical young
gentleman。 We do not mean to say that he is troubled with the gift of
poesy in any remarkable degree； but his countenance is of a plaintive and
melancholy cast； his manner is abstracted and bespeaks affliction of soul：
he seldom has his hair cut； and often talks about being an outcast and
wanting a kindred spirit； from which； as well as from many general
observations in which he is wont to indulge； concerning mysterious
impulses； and yearnings of the heart； and the supremacy of intellect
gilding all earthly things with the glowing magic of immortal verse； it is
clear to all his friends that he has been stricken poetical。
The favourite attitude of the poetical young gentleman is lounging on a
sofa with his eyes fixed upon the ceiling； or sitting bolt upright in a high…
backed chair； staring with very round eyes at the opposite wall。 When he
is in one of these positions； his mother； who is a worthy； affectionate old
soul； will give you a nudge to bespeak your attention without disturbing
the abstracted one； and whisper with a shake of the head； that John's
imagination is at some extraordinary work or other； you may take her
word for it。 Hereupon John looks more fiercely intent upon vacancy than
before； and suddenly snatching a pencil from his pocket； puts down three
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SKETCHES OF YOUNG GENTLEMEN
words； and a cross on the back of a card； sighs deeply； paces once or twice
across the room； inflicts a most unmerciful slap upon his head； and walks
moodily up to his dormitory。
The poetical young gentleman is apt to acquire peculiar notions of
things too； which plain ordinary people； unblessed with a poetical
obliquity of vision； would suppose to be rather distorted。 For instance；
when the sickening murder and mangling of a wretched woman was
affording delicious food wherewithal to gorge the insatiable curiosity of
the public； our friend the poetical young gentleman was in ecstasies … not
of disgust； but admiration。 'Heavens！' cried the poetical young gentleman；
'how grand； how great！' We ventured deferentially to inquire upon whom
these epithets were bestowed： our humble thoughts oscillating between
the police officer who found the criminal； and the lock…keeper who found
the head。 'Upon whom！' exclaimed the poetical young gentleman in a
frenzy of poetry； 'Upon whom should they be bestowed but upon the
murderer！' … and thereupon it came out； in a fine torrent of eloquence； that
the murderer was a great spirit； a bold creature full of daring and nerve； a
man of dauntless heart and determined courage； and withal a great casuist
and able reasoner； as was fully demonstrated in his philosophical
colloquies with the great and noble of the land。 We held our peace； and
meekly signified our indisposition to controvert these opinions … firstly；
because we were no match at quotation for the poetical young gentleman；
and secondly； because we felt it would be of little use our entering into any
disputation； if we were： being