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must wear an under…waistcoat； and smile constantly。
There was a great party got up by some party…loving friends of ours
last summer； to go and dine in Epping Forest。 As we hold that such wild
expeditions should never be indulged in； save by people of the smallest
means； who have no dinner at home； we should indubitably have excused
ourself from attending； if we had not recollected that the projectors of the
excursion were always accompanied on such occasions by a choice sample
of the young ladies' young gentleman； whom we were very anxious to
have an opportunity of meeting。 This determined us； and we went。
We were to make for Chigwell in four glass coaches； each with a
trifling company of six or eight inside； and a little boy belonging to the
projectors on the box … and to start from the residence of the projectors；
Woburn…place； Russell…square； at half…past ten precisely。 We arrived at
the place of rendezvous at the appointed time； and found the glass coaches
and the little boys quite ready； and divers young ladies and young
gentlemen looking anxiously over the breakfast…parlour blinds； who
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appeared by no means so much gratified by our approach as we might
have expected； but evidently wished we had been somebody else。
Observing that our arrival in lieu of the unknown occasioned some
disappointment； we ventured to inquire who was yet to come； when we
found from the hasty reply of a dozen voices； that it was no other than the
young ladies' young gentleman。
'I cannot imagine；' said the mamma； 'what has become of Mr。 Balim …
always so punctual； always so pleasant and agreeable。 I am sure I can…
NOT think。' As these last words were uttered in that measured； emphatic
manner which painfully announces that the speaker has not quite made up
his or her mind what to say； but is determined to talk on nevertheless； the
eldest daughter took up the subject； and hoped no accident had happened
to Mr。 Balim； upon which there was a general chorus of 'Dear Mr。 Balim！'
and one young lady； more adventurous than the rest； proposed that an
express should be straightway sent to dear Mr。 Balim's lodgings。 This；
however； the papa resolutely opposed； observing； in what a short young
lady behind us termed 'quite a bearish way；' that if Mr。 Balim didn't choose
to come； he might stop at home。 At this all the daughters raised a
murmur of 'Oh pa！' except one sprightly little girl of eight or ten years old；
who； taking advantage of a pause in the discourse； remarked； that perhaps
Mr。 Balim might have been married that morning … for which impertinent
suggestion she was summarily ejected from the room by her eldest sister。
We were all in a state of great mortification and uneasiness； when one
of the little boys； running into the room as airily as little boys usually run
who have an unlimited allowance of animal food in the holidays； and keep
their hands constantly forced down to the bottoms of very deep trouser…
pockets when they take exercise； joyfully announced that Mr。 Balim was
at that moment coming up the street in a hackney…cab； and the intelligence
was confirmed beyond all doubt a minute afterwards by the entry of Mr。
Balim himself； who was received with repeated cries of 'Where have you
been； you naughty creature？' whereunto the naughty creature replied； that
he had been in bed； in consequence of a late party the night before； and
had only just risen。 The acknowledgment awakened a variety of
agonizing fears that he had taken no breakfast； which appearing after a
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slight cross…examination to be the real state of the case； breakfast for one
was immediately ordered； notwithstanding Mr。 Balim's repeated
protestations that he couldn't think of it。 He did think of it though； and
thought better of it too； for he made a remarkably good meal when it came；
and was assiduously served by a select knot of young ladies。 It was quite
delightful to see how he ate and drank； while one pair of fair hands poured
out his coffee； and another put in the sugar； and another the milk； the rest
of the company ever and anon casting angry glances at their watches； and
the glass coaches； … and the little boys looking on in an agony of
apprehension lest it should begin to rain before we set out； it might have
rained all day； after we were once too far to turn back again； and welcome；
for aught they cared。
However； the cavalcade moved at length； every coachman being
accommodated with a hamper between his legs something larger than a
wheelbarrow； and the company being packed as closely as they possibly
could in the carriages； 'according；' as one married lady observed； 'to the
immemorial custom； which was half the diversion of gipsy parties。'
Thinking it very likely it might be （we have never been able to discover
the other half）； we submitted to be stowed away with a cheerful aspect；
and were fortunate enough to occupy one corner of a coach in which were
one old lady； four young ladies； and the renowned Mr。 Balim the young
ladies' young gentleman。
We were no sooner fairly off； than the young ladies' young gentleman
hummed a fragment of an air； which induced a young lady to inquire
whether he had danced to that the night before。 'By Heaven； then； I did；'
replied the young gentleman； 'and with a lovely heiress； a superb creature；
with twenty thousand pounds。' 'You seem rather struck；' observed another
young lady。 ''Gad she was a sweet creature；' returned the young
gentleman； arranging his hair。 'Of course SHE was struck too？' inquired
the first young lady。 'How can you ask； love？' interposed the second；
'could she fail to be？' 'Well； honestly I think she was；' observed the
young gentleman。 At this point of the dialogue； the young lady who had
spoken first； and who sat on the young gentleman's right； struck him a
severe blow on the arm with a rosebud； and said he was a vain man …