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had a tone of apology for having kept her in ignorance； and Flora
said few words； but felt herself injured； she had nearly gone to Mrs。
Hoxton that afternoon； and how strange it would have been if anything
had been said to her of her own brother's projects； when she was in
ignorance。
Ethel slipped away to her brother； who was in his own room；
surrounded with books； flushed and anxious； and trying to glance over
each subject on which he felt himself weak。
〃I shall fail！ I know I shall！〃 was his exclamation。 〃I wish I had
never thought of it！〃
〃What？ did Dr。 Hoxton think you not likely to succeed？〃 cried Ethel；
in consternation。
〃Oh！ he said I was certain； but what is that？ We Stoneborough men
only compare ourselves with each other。 I shall break down to a
certainty； and my father will be disappointed。〃
〃You will do your best？〃
〃I don't know that。 My best will all go away when it comes to the
point。〃
〃Surely not。 It did not go away last time you were examined； and why
should it now？〃
〃I tell you； Ethel； you know nothing about it。 I have not got up
half what I meant to have done。 Here； do take this booktry me
whether I know this properly。〃
So they went on； Ethel doing her best to help and encourage； and
Norman in an excited state of restless despair； which drove away half
his senses and recollection； and his ideas of the superior powers of
public schoolboys magnifying every moment。 They were summoned
downstairs to prayers； but went up again at once； and more than an
hour subsequently； when their father paid one of his domiciliary
visits； there they still were； with their Latin and Greek spread out；
Norman trying to strengthen all doubtful points； but in a desperate
desultory manner； that only confused him more and more； till he was
obliged to lay his head down on the table； shut his eyes； and run his
fingers through his hair； before he could recollect the simplest
matter； his renderings alternated with groans； and； cold as was the
room； his cheeks and brow were flushed and burning。
The doctor checked all this； by saying； gravely and sternly； 〃This is
not right； Norman。 Where are all your resolutions？〃
〃I shall never do it。 I ought never to have thought of it！ I shall
never succeed！〃
〃What if you do not？〃 said Dr。 May； laying his hand on his shoulder。
〃What？ why； Tom's chance lostyou will all be mortified；〃 said
Norman； hesitating in some confusion。
〃I will take care of Tom；〃 said Dr。 May。
〃And he will have been foiled！〃 said Ethel
〃If he is？〃
The boy and girl were both silent。
〃Are you striving for mere victory's sake； Norman？〃 continued his
father。
〃I thought not；〃 murmured Norman。
〃Successful or not； you will have done your utmost for us。 You would
not lose one jot of affection or esteem； and Tom shall not suffer。
Is it worth this agony？〃
〃No； it is foolish；〃 said Norman； with trembling voice； almost as if
he could have burst into tears。 He was quite unnerved by the anxiety
and toil with which he had overtasked himself； beyond his father's
knowledge。
〃Oh； papa！〃 pleaded Ethel； who could not bear to see him pained。
〃It is foolish；〃 continued Dr。 May； who felt it was the moment for
bracing severity。 〃It is rendering you unmanly。 It is wrong。〃
Again Ethel made an exclamation of entreaty。
〃It is wrong； I know；〃 repeated Norman； 〃but you don't know what it
is to get into the spirit of the thing。〃
〃Do you think I do not？〃 said the doctor； 〃I can tell exactly what
you feel now。 If I had not been an idle dog； I should have gone
through it all many more times。〃
〃What shall I do？〃 asked Norman； in a worn…out voice。
〃Put all this out of your mind； sleep quietly； and don't open another
book。〃
Norman moved his head； as if sleep were beyond his power。
〃I will read you something to calm your tone；〃 said Dr。 May； and he
took up a Prayer…book。 〃'Know ye not； that they which run in a race；
run all； but one receiveth the prize？ So run that ye may obtain。
And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all
things。 Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown； but we an
incorruptible。' And； Norman； that is not the struggle where the race
is not to the swift； nor the battle to the strong； nor the contest；
where the conqueror only wins vanity and vexation of spirit。〃
Norman had cast down his eyes； and hardly made answer； but the words
had evidently taken effect。 The doctor only further bade him good…
night； with a whispered blessing； and； taking Ethel by the hand； drew
her away。 When they met the next morning； the excitement had passed
from Norman's manner； but he looked dejected and resigned。 He had
made up his mind to lose； and was not grateful for good wishes； he
ought never to have thought； he said； of competing with men from
public schools； and he knew his return of love of vain…glory deserved
that he should fail。 However； he was now calm enough not to be
likely to do himself injustice by nervousness； and Margaret hid hopes
that Richard's steady equable mind would have a salutary influence。
So； commending Tom's lessons to Ethel； and hearing； but not marking；
countless messages to Richard； he set forth upon his emprise； while
his anxiety seemed to remain as a legacy for those at home。
Poor Dr。 May confessed that his practice by no means agreed with his
precept； for he could think of nothing else； and was almost as bad as
Norman； in his certainty that the boy would fail from mere
nervousness。 Margaret was the better companion for him now；
attaching less intensity of interest to Norman's success than did
Ethel； she was the more able to compose him； and cheer his hopes。
CHAPTER XXX。
Weary soul； and burdened sore；
Labouring with thy secret load；
Fear not all thy griefs to pour
In this heart； love's true abode。
Lyra Innocentium。
Tea had just been brought in on the eighth evening from Norman's
departure； when there was a ring at the bell。 There was a start； and
look of expectation。 〃Only a patient；〃 said the doctor； but it
surely was not for that reason that he rose with so much alacrity and
opened the door； nor was 〃Well； old fellow？〃 the greeting for his
patientsso everybody sprang after him； and beheld something tall
taking off a coat； while a voice said； 〃I have got it。〃
The mass of children rushed back to Margaret； screaming； 〃He has got
it！〃 and then Aubrey trotted out into the hall again to see what
Norman had got。
〃A happy face at least；〃 said Margaret； as he came to her。 And that
was not peculiar to Norman。 The radiance had shone out upon every
one in that moment； and it was one buzz of happy exclamation； query；
and answerthe only tone of regret when Mary spoke of Harry； and all
at once took up the strainhow glad poor Harry would be。 As to the
examination； that had been much less difficult than Norman had
expected； in fact； he said； it was lucky for him that the very
subjects had been chosen in which he was most upluck which； as the
doctor could not help observing； generally did attend Norman。 And
Norman had been so happy with Richard； the kind； wise elder brother