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but I did not know ladies lived in such different ways。 I should be
very miserable without Bellairs； or without a fire in my room。 I
don't know what I should do if I had to live in that cold； shabby
den； and do my own hair； yet they think nothing of it； and they are
cultivated and ladylike！ Is it all fancy； and being brought up to
it？ I wonder if it is right？ Yet dear papa likes me to have these
things； and can afford them。 I never knew I was luxurious before；
and yet I think I must be！ One thing I do wish； and that is； that I
was of as much use as those girls。 I ought to be。 I am a motherless
girl like them； and I ought to be everything to papa； just as Miss
May is； even lying on the sofa there； and only two years older than I
am。 I don't think I am of any use at all； he is fond of me； of
course； dear papa； and if I died； I don't know what would become of
him； but that's only because I am his daughterhe has only George
besides to care for。 But； really and truly； he would get on as well
without me。 I never do anything for him； but now and then playing to
him in the evening； and that not always； I am afraid； when I want to
be about anything else。 He is always petting me； and giving me all I
want； but I never do anything but my lessons； and going to the
school； and the poor people； and that is all pleasure。 I have so
much that I never miss what I give away。 I wonder whether it is all
right！ Leonora and Agatha have not so much money to do as they
please withthey are not so idolised。 George said； when he was
angry； that papa idolises me； but they have all these comforts and
luxuries； and never think of anything but doing what they like。 They
never made me consider as these Mays do。 I should like to know them
more。 I do so much want a friend of my own age。 It is the only want
I have。 I have tried to make a friend of Leonora； but I cannot； she
never cares for what I do。 If she saw these Mays she would look down
on them。 Dear Mrs。 Larpent is better than any one； but then she is
so much older。 Flora May shall be my friend。 I'll make her call me
Meta as soon as she comes。 When will it be？ The day after
tomorrow？〃
But little Meta watched in vain。 Dr。 May always came with either
Richard or the groom； to drive him； and if Meta met him and hoped he
would bring Flora next time； he only answered that Flora would like
it very much； and he hoped soon to do so。
The truth was； it was no such everyday matter as Meta imagined。 The
larger carriage had been broken； and the only vehicle held only the
doctorhis charioteerand in a very minute appendage behind； a
small son of the gardener； to open gates； and hold the horse。
The proposal had been one of those general invitations to be
fulfilled at any time； and therefore easily set aside； and Dr。 May；
though continually thinking he should like to take his girls to
Abbotstoke； never saw the definite time for so doing； and Flora
herself； though charmed with Miss Rivers； and delighted with the
prospect of visiting her； only viewed it as a distant prospect。
There was plenty of immediate interest to occupy them at home； to say
nothing of the increasing employment that Cocksmoor gave to thoughts；
legs； and needles。 There was the commencement of the half…year； when
Tom's schoolboy life was to begin； and when it would be proved
whether Norman were able to retain his elevation。
Margaret had much anxiety respecting the little boy about to be sent
into a scene of temptation。 Her great confidence was in Richard； who
told her that boys did many more wrong things than were known at
home； and yet turned out very well； and that Tom would be sure to
right himself in the end。 Richard had been blameless in his whole
school course； but though never partaking of the other boys' evil
practices； he could not form an independent estimate of character；
and his tone had been a little hurt； by sharing the school public
opinion of morality。 He thought Stoneborough and its temptations
inevitable； and only wished to make the best of it。 Margaret was
afraid to harass her father by laying the case before him。 All her
brothers had gone safely through the school； and it never occurred to
her that it was possible that； if her father knew the bias of Tom's
disposition； he might choose； for the present； at least； some other
mode of education。
She talked earnestly to Tom； and he listened impatiently。 There is
an age when boys rebel against female rule； and are not yet softened
by the chivalry of manhood； and Tom was at this time of life。 He did
not like to be lectured by a sister； secretly disputed her right；
and； proud of becoming a schoolboy； had not the generous deference
for her weakness felt by his elder brothers； he was all the time
peeling a stick； as if to show that he was not attending； and he
raised up his shoulder pettishly whenever she came to a mention of
the religious duty of sincerity。 She did not long continue her
advice； and； much disappointed and concerned； tried to console
herself with hoping that he might have heeded more than he seemed to
do。
He was placed tolerably high in the school； and Norman； who had the
first choice of fags； took him instead of Hector Ernescliffe； who had
just passed beyond the part of the school liable to be fagged。 He
said he liked school； looked bright when he came home in the
evenings； and the sisters hoped all was right。
Every one was just now anxiously watching Norman； especially his
father； who strove in vain to keep back all manifestation of his
earnest desire to see him retain his post。 Resolutely did the doctor
refrain from asking any questions； when the boys came in； but he
could not keep his eyes from studying the face； to see whether it
bore marks of mental fatigue； and from following him about the room；
to discover whether he found it necessary； as he had done last
autumn； to spend the evening in study。 It was no small pleasure to
see him come in with his hand full of horse…chestnut and hazel…buds；
and proceed to fetch the microscope and botany books； throwing
himself eagerly into the study of the wonders of their infant forms；
searching deeply into them with Margaret； and talking them over with
his father； who was very glad to promote the pursuitone in which he
had always taken great interest。
Another night Dr。 May was for a moment disturbed by seeing the
school…books put out； but Norman had only some notes to compare； and
while he did so； he was remarking on Flora's music； and joining in
the conversation so freely as to prove it was no labour to him。 In
truth； he was evidently quite recovered； entirely himself again；
except that he was less boyish。 He had been very lively and full of
merry nonsense； but his ardour for play had gone off with his high
spirits； and there was a manliness of manner； and tone of mind； that
made him appear above his real age。
At the end of a fortnight he volunteered to tell his father that all
was right。 〃I am not afraid of not keeping my place；〃 he said； 〃you
were quite right； papa。 I am more up to my work than I was ever
before； and it comes to me quite fresh and pleasant。 I don't prom