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The Diary of a Goose Girl
recriminations into a woman's ear from a distance。
He approached with deliberation； reined in his horse； and lifted his hat
ceremoniously。 He has an extremely shapely head； but I did not show
that the sight of it melted in the least the ice of my resolve； whereupon we
talked； not very freely at first；men are so stiff when they consider
themselves injured。 However； silence is even more embarrassing than
conversation； so at length I begin：…
Bailiff's Daughter。〃It is a lovely day。〃
True Love。〃Yes； but the drought is getting rather oppressive； don't
you think？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃The crops certainly need rain； and the feed is
becoming scarce。〃
True Love。〃Are you a farmer's wife？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Oh no！ that is a promotion to look forward to； I
am now only a Goose Girl。〃
True Love。〃Indeed！ If I wished to be severe I might remark： that I
am sure you have found at last your true vocation！〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃It was certainly through no desire to please YOU
that I chose it。〃
True Love。〃I am quite sure of that！ Are you staying in this part？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Oh no！ I live many miles distant； over an
extremely rough road。 And you？〃
True Love。〃I am still at the Hydropathic； or at least my luggage is
there。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃It must be very pleasant to attract you so long。〃
True Love。〃Not so pleasant as it was。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃No？ A new proprietor； I suppose。〃
True Love。〃No； same proprietor； but the house is empty。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （yawning purposely）。〃That is strange； the hotels
are usually so full at this season。 Why did so many leave？〃
True Love。〃As a matter of fact； only one left。 〃Full〃 and 〃empty〃
are purely relative terms。 I call a hotel full when it has you in it； empty
when it hasn't。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （dying to laugh； but concealing her feelings）。 〃I
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
trust my bulk does not make the same impression on the general public！
Well； I won't detain you longer； good afternoon； I must go home to my
evening work。〃
True Love。〃I will accompany you。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃If you are a gentleman you will remain where you
are。〃
True Love。〃In the road？ Perhaps； but if I am a man I shall follow
you； they always do； I notice。 What are those foolish bundles in the back
of that silly cart？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Feed for the pony； please； sir； fish for dinner；
randans and barley meal for the poultry； and four unsold rabbits。
Wouldn't you like them？ Only one and sixpence apiece。 Shot at three
o'clock this morning。〃
True Love。〃Thanks； I don't like mine shot so early。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Oh； well！ doubtless I shall be able to dispose of
them on my way home； though times is 'ard！〃
True Love。〃Do you mean that you will 〃peddle〃 them along the
road？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃You understand me better than usual；in fact to
perfection。〃
He dismounts and strides to the back of the cart； lifts the covers； seizes
the rabbits； flings some silver contemptuously into the basket； and looks
about him for a place to bury his bargain。 A small boy approaching in the
far distance will probably bag the game。
Bailiff's Daughter （modestly）。〃Thanks for your trade； sir； rather
ungraciously bestowed； and we 'opes for a continuance of your past
fyvors。〃
True Love （leaning on the wheel of the trap）。〃Let us stop this
nonsense。 What did you hope to gain by running away？〃
Bailiff 's Daughter。〃Distance and absence。〃
True Love。〃You knew you couldn't prevent my offering myself to
you sometime or other。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Perhaps not； but I could at least defer it； couldn't
I？〃
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
True Love。〃Why postpone the inevitable？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Doubtless I shrank from giving you the pain of a
refusal。〃
True Love。〃Perhaps； but do you know what I suspect？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃I'm not a suspicious person； thank goodness！〃
True Love。〃That； on the contrary； you are wilfully withholding from
me the joy of acceptance。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃If I intended to accept you； why did I run away？〃
True Love。〃To make yourself more desirable and precious； I
suppose。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （with the most confident coquetry）。〃Did I
succeed？〃
True Love。〃No； you failed utterly。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （secretly piqued）。〃Then I am glad I tried it。〃
True Love。〃You couldn't succeed because you were superlatively
desirable and precious already； but you should never have experimented。
Don't you know that Love is a high explosive？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Is it？ Then it ought always to be labelled
〃dangerous；〃 oughtn't it？ But who thought of suggesting matches？ I'm
sure I didn't！〃
True Love。〃No such luck； I wish you would。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃According to your theory； if you apply a match to
Love it is likely to 'go off。'〃
True Love。〃I wish you would try it on mine and await the result。
Come now； you'll have to marry somebody； sometime。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃I confess I don't see the necessity。〃
True Love （morosely）。〃You're the sort of woman men won't leave in
undisturbed spinsterhood； they'll keep on badgering you。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Oh； I don't mind the badgering of a number of
men； it's rather nice。 It's the one badger I find obnoxious。〃
True Love （impatiently）。〃That's just the perversity of things。 I
could put a stop to the protestations of the many； I should like nothing
betterbut the pertinacity of the one！ Ah； well！ I can't drop that
without putting an end to my existence。〃
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The Diary of a Goose Girl