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spirit。 Hear our pronouncement： These raisers of illegal spirits shall each
contribute ten taels of gold； which shall be expended in joss…sticks； in
purifying the road which they have scorched； and in alleviating the distress
of the poor and virtuous of both sexes。 The praiseworthy Tsay…hi；
moreover； shall embroider upon his sleeve an honourable sign in
remembrance of the event。 Let drums now be beat； and our verdict loudly
proclaimed throughout the province。〃
These things； O my illustrious father （although on account of my
contemptible deficiencies of style much may seem improbable to your all…
knowing mind）； these things I write with an unbending brush； for I set
down only that which I have myself seen； or read in their own printed
records。 Doubtless it will occur to one of your preternatural intelligence
that our own system of administering justice； whereby the person who can
hire the greater number of witnesses is reasonably held to be in the right；
although perhaps not absolutely infallible； is in every way more
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convenient； but； as it is well said； 〃To the blind； night is as acceptable as
day。〃
Henceforth you will have no hesitation in letting it be known
throughout Yuen…ping that these foreign barbarians do possess secret
demons； in spite of their denials。 Doubtless I shall presently discover
others no less powerful。
With honourable distinction this person has at length grasped the
essential details of the spoken language herenot sufficiently well； indeed；
to make himself understood on most occasions； or even to understand
others； but enough to perceive clearly when he fails to become intelligible
or when they experience a like difficulty with him。 Upon an earlier
occasion； before he had made so much progress； being one day left to his
own resources； and feeling an internal lack； he entered what appeared to
be a tea…shop of reputable demeanour； and； seating himself at one of the
little marble tables； he freely pronounced the carefully…learned word 〃rice〃
to the attending nymph。 To put aside all details of preparation （into which；
indeed； this person could not enter） he waved his hand gracefully； at the
same time smiling with an expression of tolerant acquiescence； as of one
who would say that what was good enough to be cooked and offered by so
entrancing a maiden was good enough to be eaten by him。 After remaining
in unruffled tranquillity for the full portion of an hour； and observing that
no other person around had to wait above half that period； this one began
to perceive that the enterprise was not likely to terminate in a manner
satisfactory to himself； so that； leaving this place with a few well…chosen
phrases of intolerable regret in his own tongue； he entered another； and
conducted himself in a like fashion。 。 。 。 Towards evening； with an
unperturbed exterior； but materially afflicted elsewhere； this person seated
himself within the eleventh tea…shop； and； pointing first towards his own
constituents of digestion； then at the fire； and lastly in an upward direction；
thereby signified to any not of stunted intellect that he had reached such a
condition of mind and body that he was ready to consume whatever the
ruling deities were willing to allot； whether boiled； baked； roast； or
suspended from a skewer。 In this resolve nothing would move him； until
after many maidens had approached with outstretched hands and gestures
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of despairthere presently entered a person wearing the helmet of a
warrior and the manner of a high official； who spoke strongly； yet
persuasively； of the virtues of immediate movement and a quiet and
reposeful bearing。
Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of food；
and all matters connected with it； must inevitably remain barbaric；
however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement。 It is said；
although I do not commit this matter to my own brush； that among them
are more books composed on subjects which have no actual existence than
on cooking； and； incredible as it may appear； to be exceptionally round…
bodied confers no public honour upon the individual。 Should a favourable
occasion present itself； there are many who do not scruple to jest upon the
subject of food； or； what is incalculably more depraved； upon the scarcity
of it。
Nevertheless； there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance。
Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was
recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang…Tsun； the
merchant in tea and spices。 This versatile person； whose business…name is
spoken of as Jones Bob…Jones； is worthy of all benignant respect； and in a
really enlightened country would doubtless be raised to a more exalted
position than that of a breaker of outsides （an occupation difficult to
express adequately in the written language of a country where it is
unknown）； for his face is like the sun setting in the time of harvest； his
waist garment excessive； and the undoubted symmetry of his middle
portions honourable in the extreme。 So welcome in my eyes； after
witnessing an unending stream of concave and attenuated barbarian ghosts；
was the sight of these perfections of Jones Bob…Jones； that instead of the
formal greeting of this Islandthe unmeaning 〃How do you do it？〃I
shook hands cordially with myself； and exclaimed affectionately in our
own language； 〃Illimitable felicities！ How is your stomach？〃
〃Well；〃 replied Jones Bob…Jones； after Quang…Tsun had interpreted this
polite salutation to his understanding； 〃since you mention it； that's just the
trouble； but I'm going on pretty well； thanks。 I've tried most of the
advertised things； and now my doctor has put me practically on a bread…
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