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THE WAYS OF MEN
Which reminds one of Thackeray relating how he had longed to know
what women talked about when they were alone after dinner； imagining it
to be on mysterious and thrilling subjects； until one evening he overheard
such a conversation and found it turned entirely on children and ailments！
As regards wit； the English are like the Oriental potentate who at a ball in
Europe expressed his astonishment that the guests took the trouble to
dance and get themselves hot and dishevelled； explaining that in the East
he paid people to do that for him。 In England 〃amusers〃 are invited
expressly to be funny； anything uttered by one of these delightful
individuals is sure to be received with much laughter。 It is so simple that
way！ One is prepared and knows when to laugh。 Whereas amateur wit is
confusing。 When an American I knew； turning over the books on a
drawing…room table and finding Hare's WALKS IN LONDON； in two
volumes； said； 〃So you part your hair in the middle over here；〃 the remark
was received in silence； and with looks of polite surprise。
It is not necessary； however； to accumulate proofs that this much
described society is less intelligent than our own。 Their authors have
acknowledged it； and well they may。 For from Scott and Dickens down to
Hall Caine； American appreciation has gone far toward establishing the
reputation of English writers at home。
In spite of lack of humor and a thousand other defects which ought to
make English swelldom antagonistic to our countrymen； the fact remains
that 〃smart〃 London tempts a certain number of Americans and has
become a promised land； toward which they turn longing eyes。 You will
always find a few of these votaries over there in the 〃season；〃 struggling
bravely up the social current； making acquaintances； spending money at
charity sales； giving dinners and fetes； taking houses at Ascot and filling
them with their new friends' friends。 With more or less success as the new…
comers have been able to return satisfactory answers to the three primary
questions。
What Americans are these； who force us to blush for them infinitely
more than for the unlettered tourists trotting conscientiously around the
country； doing the sights and asking for soda…water and buckwheat cakes
at the hotels！
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Any one who has been an observer of the genus 〃Climber〃 at home；
and wondered at their way and courage； will recognize these ambitious
souls abroad； five minutes' conversation is enough。 It is never about a
place that they talk； but of the people they know。 London to them is not
the city of Dickens。 It is a place where one may meet the Prince of Wales
and perhaps obtain an entrance into his set。
One description will cover most climbers。 They are； as a rule； people
who start humbly in some small city； then when fortune comes； push on to
New York and Newport； where they carry all before them and make their
houses centres and themselves powers。 Next comes the discovery that the
circle into which they have forced their way is not nearly as attractive as it
appeared from a distance。 Consequently that vague disappointment is felt
which most of us experience on attaining a long desired goal … the
unsatisfactoriness of success！ Much the same sensation as caused poor Du
Maurier to answer； when asked shortly before his death why he looked so
glum； 〃I'm soured by success！〃
So true is this of all human nature that the following recipe might be
given for the attainment of perfect happiness： 〃Begin far down in any walk
of life。 Rise by your efforts higher each year； and then be careful to die
before discovering that there is nothing at the top。 The excitement of the
struggle … ‘the rapture of the chase' … are greater joys than achievement。〃
Our ambitious friends naturally ignore this bit of philosophy。 When it
is discovered that the 〃world〃 at home has given but an unsatisfactory
return for cash and conniving； it occurs to them that the fault lies in the
circle； and they assume that their particular talents require a larger field。
Having conquered all in sight； these social Alexanders pine for a new
world； which generally turns out to be the 〃Old；〃 so a crossing is made；
and the 〃Conquest of England〃 begun with all the enthusiasm and push
employed on starting out from the little native city twenty years before。
It is in Victoria's realm that foemen worthy of their steel await the
conquerors。 Home society was a too easy prey； opening its doors and
laying down its arms at the first summons。 In England the new…comers
find that their little game has been played before； and； well； what they
imagined was a discovery proves to be a long…studied science with
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THE WAYS OF MEN
〃DONNANT！ DONNANT！〃 as its fundamental law。 Wily opponents with
trump cards in their hands and a profound knowledge of 〃Hoyle〃
smilingly offer them seats。 Having acquired in a home game a knowledge
of 〃bluff；〃 our friends plunge with delight into the fray； only to find
English society so formed that； climb they never so wisely； the top can
never be reached。 Work as hard as they may； succeed even beyond their
fondest hopes； there will always remain circles above； toward which to
yearn … people who will refuse to know them； houses they will never be
invited to enter。 Think of the charm； the attraction such a civilization must
have for the real born climber； and you； my reader； will understand why
certain of our compatriots enjoy living in England； and why when once the
intoxicating draught （supplied to the ambitious on the other side） has been
tasted； all home concoctions prove insipid。
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CHAPTER 10 … CALVE at
Cabrieres
WHILE I was making a 〃cure〃 last year at Lamalou； an obscure Spa
in the Cevennes Mountains； Madame Calve； to whom I had expressed a
desire to see her picturesque home； telegraphed an invitation to p