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saint； for to be honest and loyal and modest； to love little children； to do
one's duty quietly in the heyday of life； and become a mediator in old age；
is to fulfil about the whole duty of man； and every patriotic heart must
wish the analogy may be long maintained； that our loved country； like its
prototype； may continue the protector of the feeble and a peace…maker
among nations。
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CHAPTER 2 … Domestic Despots
THOSE who walk through the well…to…do quarters of our city； and
glance； perhaps a little enviously as they pass； toward the cheerful
firesides； do not reflect that in almost every one of these apparently happy
homes a pitiless tyrant reigns； a misshapen monster without bowels of
compassion or thought beyond its own greedy appetites； who sits like
Sinbad's awful burden on the necks of tender women and distracted men。
Sometimes this incubus takes the form of a pug； sometimes of a poodle； or
simply a bastard cur admitted to the family bosom in a moment of
unreflecting pity； size and pedigree are of no importance； the result is
always the same。 Once Caliban is installed in his stronghold； peace and
independence desert that roof。
We read daily of fathers tyrannizing over trembling families； of
stepmothers and unnatural children turning what might be happy homes
into amateur Infernos； and sigh； as we think of martyrdoms endured by
overworked animals。
It is cheering to know that societies have been formed for the
protection of dumb brutes and helpless children。 Will no attempt be made
to alleviate this other form of suffering； which has apparently escaped the
eye of the reformer？
The animal kingdom is divided … like all Gaul … into three divisions：
wild beasts； that are obliged to hustle for themselves； laboring and
producing animals； for which man provides because they are useful to him
… and dogs！ Of all created things on our globe the canine race have the
softest 〃snap。〃 The more one thinks about this curious exception in their
favor the more unaccountable it appears。 We neglect such wild things as
we do not slaughter； and exact toil from domesticated animals in return for
their keep。 Dogs alone； shirking all cares and labor； live in idle comfort at
man's expense。
When that painful family jar broke up the little garden party in Eden
and forced our first parents to work or hunt for a living； the original Dog
（equally disgusted with either alternative） hit on the luminous idea of
posing as the champion of the disgraced couple； and attached himself to
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THE WAYS OF MEN
Adam and Eve； not that he approved of their conduct； but simply because
he foresaw that if he made himself companionable and cosy he would be
asked to stay to dinner。
From that day to the present； with the exception of occasionally
watching sheep and houses … a lazy occupation at the best … and a little
light carting in Belgium （dogs were given up as turn…spits centuries ago；
because they performed that duty badly）； no canine has raised a paw to do
an honest day's work； neither has any member of the genus been known
voluntarily to perform a useful act。
How then … one asks one's self in a wonder … did the myth originate
that Dog was the friend of Man？ Like a multitude of other fallacies taught
to innocent children； this folly must be unlearned later。 Friend of man；
indeed！ Why； the 〃Little Brothers of the Rich〃 are guileless philanthropists
in comparison with most canines； and unworthy to be named in the same
breath with them。 Dogs discovered centuries ago that to live in luxury； it
was only necessary to assume an exaggerated affection for some wealthy
mortal； and have since proved themselves past masters in a difficult art in
which few men succeed。 The number of human beings who manage to live
on their friends is small； whereas the veriest mongrel cur contrives to
enjoy food and lodging at some dupe's expense。
Facts such as these； however； have not over…thrown the great dog myth。
One can hardly open a child's book without coming across some tale of
canine intelligence and devotion。 My tender youth was saddened by the
story of one disinterested dog that refused to leave his master's grave and
was found frozen at his post on a bleak winter's morning。 With the
experience of years in pet dogs I now suspect that； instead of acting in this
theatrical fashion； that pup trotted home from the funeral with the most
prosperous and simple…minded couple in the neighborhood； and after a
substantial meal went to sleep by the fire。 He must have been a clever dog
to get so much free advertisement； so probably strolled out to his master's
grave the next noon； when people were about to hear him； and howled a
little to keep up appearances。
I have written 〃the richest and most simple minded couple；〃 because
centuries of self…seeking have developed in these beasts an especial
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aptitude for spotting possible victims at a glance。 You will rarely find dogs
coquetting with the strong… minded or wasting blandishments where there
is not the probability of immediate profit； but once let even a puppy get a
tenderhearted girl or aged couple under his influence； no pity will be
shown the victims。
There is a house not a square away from Mr。 Gerry's philanthropic
headquarters； where a state of things exists calculated to extract tears from
a custom…house official。 Two elderly virgins are there held in bondage by a
Minotaur no bigger than your two fists。 These good dames have a taste for
travelling； but change of climate disagrees with their tyrant。 They dislike
house…keeping and； like good Americans； would prefer hotel life；
nevertheless they keep up an establishment in a cheerless side street； with
a retinue of servants； because； forsooth； their satrap exacts a back yard
where he can walk of a morning。 These spinsters； although loving sisters；
no longer go abou