按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
He began to think of other things; of indifferent matters; in spite of himself。
The veins in his temples throbbed violently; he still paced to and fro; midnight sounded first from the parish church; then from the town…hall; he counted the twelve strokes of the two clocks; and pared the sounds of the two bells; he recalled in this connection the fact that; a few days previously; he had seen in an ironmonger's shop an ancient clock for sale; upon which was written the name; Antoine…Albin de Romainville。
He was cold; he lighted a small fire; it did not occur to him to close the window。
In the meantime he had relapsed into his stupor; he was obliged to make a tolerably vigorous effort to recall what had been the subject of his thoughts before midnight had struck; he finally succeeded in doing this。
〃Ah! yes;〃 he said to himself; 〃I had resolved to inform against myself。〃
And then; all of a sudden; he thought of Fantine。
〃Hold!〃 said he; 〃and what about that poor woman?〃
Here a fresh crisis declared itself。
Fantine; by appearing thus abruptly in his revery; produced the effect of an unexpected ray of light; it seemed to him as though everything about him were undergoing a change of aspect:
he exclaimed:
〃Ah! but I have hitherto considered no one but myself; it is proper for me to hold my tongue or to denounce myself; to conceal my person or to save my soul; to be a despicable and respected magistrate; or an infamous and venerable convict; it is I; it is always I and nothing but I: but; good God! all this is egotism; these are diverse forms of egotism; but it is egotism all the same。 What if I were to think a little about others?
The highest holiness is to think of others; e; let us examine the matter。 The _I_ excepted; the _I_ effaced; the _I_ forgotten; what would be the result of all this?
What if I denounce myself?
I am arrested; this Champmathieu is released; I am put back in the galleys; that is well and what then?
What is going on here?
Ah! here is a country; a town; here are factories; an industry; workers; both men and women; aged grandsires; children; poor people!
All this I have created; all these I provide with their living; everywhere where there is a smoking chimney; it is I who have placed the brand on the hearth and meat in the pot; I have created ease; circulation; credit; before me there was nothing; I have elevated; vivified; informed with life; fecundated; stimulated; enriched the whole country…side; lacking me; the soul is lacking; I take myself off; everything dies: and this woman; who has suffered so much; who possesses so many merits in spite of her fall; the cause of all whose misery I have unwittingly been!
And that child whom I meant to go in search of; whom I have promised to her mother; do I not also owe something to this woman; in reparation for the evil which I have done her? If I disappear; what happens?
The mother dies; the child bees what it can; that is what will take place; if I denounce myself。 If I do not denounce myself? e; let us see how it will be if I do not denounce myself。〃
After putting this question to himself; he paused; he seemed to undergo a momentary hesitation and trepidation; but it did not last long; and he answered himself calmly:
〃Well; this man is going to the galleys; it is true; but what the deuce! he has stolen!
There is no use in my saying that he has not been guilty of theft; for he has!
I remain here; I go on: in ten years I shall have made ten millions; I scatter them over the country; I have nothing of my own; what is that to me? It is not for myself that I am doing it; the prosperity of all goes on augmenting; industries are aroused and animated; factories and shops are multiplied; families; a hundred families; a thousand families; are happy; the district bees populated; villages spring up where there were only farms before; farms rise where there was nothing; wretchedness disappears; and with wretchedness debauchery; prostitution; theft; murder; all vices disappear; all crimes:
and this poor mother rears her child; and behold a whole country rich and honest!
Ah!
I was a fool! I was absurd! what was that I was saying about denouncing myself? I really must pay attention and not be precipitate about anything。 What! because it would have pleased me to play the grand and generous; this is melodrama; after all; because I should have thought of no one but myself; the idea! for the sake of saving from a punishment; a trifle exaggerated; perhaps; but just at bottom; no one knows whom; a thief; a good…for…nothing; evidently; a whole country…side must perish! a poor woman must die in the hospital! a poor little girl must die in the street! like dogs; ah; this is abominable! And without the mother even having seen her child once more; almost without the child's having known her mother; and all that for the sake of an old wretch of an apple…thief who; most assuredly; has deserved the galleys for something else; if not for that; fine scruples; indeed; which save a guilty man and sacrifice the innocent; which save an old vagabond who has only a few years to live at most; and who will not be more unhappy in the galleys than in his hovel; and which sacrifice a whole population; mothers; wives; children。 This poor little Cosette who has no one in the world but me; and who is; no doubt; blue with cold at this moment in the den of those Thenardiers; those peoples are rascals; and I was going to neglect my duty towards all these poor creatures; and I was going off to denounce myself; and I was about to mit that unspeakable folly! Let us put it at the worst:
suppose that there is a wrong action on my part in this; and that my conscience will reproach me for it some day; to accept; for the good of others; these reproaches which weigh only on myself; this evil action which promises my soul alone; in that lies self…sacrifice; in that alone there is virtue。〃
He rose and resumed his march; this time; he seemed to be content。
Diamonds are found only in the dark places of the earth; truths are found only in the depths of thought。
It seemed to him; that; after having descended into these depths; after having long groped among the darkest of these shadows; he had at last found one of these diamonds; one of these truths; and that he now held it in his hand; and he was dazzled as he gazed upon it。
〃Yes;〃 he thought; 〃this is right; I am on the right road; I have the solution; I must end by holding fast to something; my resolve is taken; let things take their course; let us no longer vacillate; let us no longer hang back; this is for the interest of all; not for my own; I am Madeleine; and Madeleine I remain。
Woe to the man who is Jean Valjean!
I am no longer he; I do not know that man; I no longer know anything; it turns out that some one is Jean Valjean at the present moment; let him look out for himself; that does not concern me; it is a fatal name which was floating abroad in the night; if it halts and descends on a head; so much the worse for that head。〃
He looked into the little mirror which hung above his chimney…piece; and said:
�