按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
and drive over to visit us。 Sasha loves and understands you。 She
is a sweet； honest； lovely girl； too good to be the child of her
mother and me！ Sometimes； when I look at her； I cannot believe
that such a treasure could belong to a fat old drunkard like me。
Go to her； talk to her； and let her cheer you。 She is a good；
true…hearted girl。
IVANOFF。 Paul； my dear friend； please go； and leave me alone。
LEBEDIEFF。 I understand； I understand！ ＇He glances at his watch＇
Yes； I understand。 ＇He kisses IVANOFF＇ Good…bye； I must go to the
blessing of the school now。 ＇He goes as far as the door； then
stops＇ She is so clever！ Sasha and I were talking about gossiping
yesterday； and she flashed out this epigram： 〃Father；〃 she said；
〃fire…flies shine at night so that the night…birds may make them
their prey； and good people are made to be preyed upon by gossips
and slanderers。〃 What do you think of that？ She is a genius；
another George Sand！
IVANOFF。 ＇Stopping him as he goes out＇ Paul； what is the matter
with me？
LEBEDIEFF。 I have wanted to ask you that myself； but I must
confess I was ashamed to。 I don't know； old chap。 Sometimes I
think your troubles have been too heavy for you； and yet I know
you are not the kind to give in to them； you would not be
overcome by misfortune。 It must be something else； Nicholas； but
what it may be I can't imagine。
IVANOFF。 I can't imagine either what the matter is； unlessand
yet no ＇A pause＇ Well； do you see； this is what I wanted to
say。 I used to have a workman called Simon； you remember him。
Once； at threshing…time； to show the girls how strong he was； he
loaded himself with two sacks of rye； and broke his back。 He died
soon after。 I think I have broken my back also。 First I went to
school； then to the university； then came the cares of this
estate； all my plansI did not believe what others did； did not
marry as others did； I worked passionately； risked everything； no
one else； as you know； threw their money away to right and left
as I did。 So I heaped the burdens on my back； and it broke。 We
are all heroes at twenty； ready to attack anything； to do
everything； and at thirty are worn…out； useless men。 How； oh； how
do you account for this weariness？ However； I may be quite wrong；
go away； Paul； I am boring you。
LEBEDIEFF。 I know what is the matter with you； old man： you got
out of bed on the wrong side this morning。
IVANOFF。 That is stupid； Paul； and stale。 Go away！
LEBEDIEFF。 It is stupid； certainly。 I see that myself now。 I am
going at once。 ＇LEBEDIEFF goes out。
IVANOFF。 ＇Alone＇ I am a worthless； miserable； useless man。 Only a
man equally miserable and suffering； as Paul is； could love or
esteem me now。 Good God！ How I loathe myself！ How bitterly I hate
my voice； my hands； my thoughts； these clothes； each step I take！
How ridiculous it is； how disgusting！ Less than a year ago I was
healthy and strong； full of pride and energy and enthusiasm。 I
worked with these hands here； and my words could move the dullest
man to tears。 I could weep with sorrow； and grow indignant at the
sight of wrong。 I could feel the glow of inspiration； and
understand the beauty and romance of the silent nights which I
used to watch through from evening until dawn； sitting at my
worktable； and giving up my soul to dreams。 I believed in a
bright future then； and looked into it as trustfully as a child
looks into its mother's eyes。 And now； oh； it is terrible！ I am
tired and without hope； I spend my days and nights in idleness； I
have no control over my feet or brain。 My estate is ruined； my
woods are falling under the blows of the axe。 ＇He weeps＇ My
neglected land looks up at me as reproachfully as an orphan。 I
expect nothing； am sorry for nothing； my whole soul trembles at
the thought of each new day。 And what can I think of my treatment
of Sarah？ I promised her love and happiness forever； I opened her
eyes to the promise of a future such as she had never even
dreamed of。 She believed me； and though for five years I have
seen her sinking under the weight of her sacrifices to me； and
losing her strength in her struggles with her conscience； God
knows she has never given me one angry look； or uttered one word
of reproach。 What is the result？ That I don't love her！ Why？ Is
it possible？ Can it be true？ I can't understand。 She is
suffering； her days are numbered； yet I fly like a contemptible
coward from her white face； her sunken chest； her pleading eyes。
Oh； I am ashamed； ashamed！ ＇A pause＇ Sasha； a young girl； is
sorry for me in my misery。 She confesses to me that she loves me；
me； almost an old man！ Whereupon I lose my head； and exalted as
if by music； I yell： 〃Hurrah for a new life and new happiness！〃
Next day I believe in this new life and happiness as little as I
believe in my happiness at home。 What is the matter with me？ What
is this pit I am wallowing in？ What is the cause of this
weakness？ What does this nervousness come from？ If my sick wife
wounds my pride； if a servant makes a mistake； if my gun misses
fire； I lose my temper and get violent and altogether unlike
myself。 I can't； I can't understand it； the easiest way out would
be a bullet through the head！
Enter LVOFF。
LVOFF。 I must have an explanation with you； Ivanoff。
IVANOFF。 If we are going to have an explanation every day；
doctor； we shall neither of us have the strength to stand it。
LVOFF。 Will you be good enough to hear me？
IVANOFF。 I have heard all you have told me every day； and have
failed to discover yet what you want me to do。
LVOFF。 I have always spoken plainly enough； and only an utterly
heartless and cruel man could fail to understand me。
IVANOFF。 I know that my wife is dying； I know that I have sinned
irreparably； I know that you are an honest man。 What more can you
tell me？
LVOFF。 The sight of human cruelty maddens me。 The woman is dying
and she has a mother and father whom she loves； and longs to see
once more before she dies。 They know that she is dying and that
she loves them still； but with diabolical cruelty； as if to
flaunt their religious zeal； they refuse to see her and forgive
her。 You are the man for whom she has sacrificed her home； her
peace of mind； everything。 Yet you unblushingly go gadding to the
Lebedieffs' every evening； for reasons that are absolutely
unmistakable！
IVANOFF。 Ah me； it is two weeks since I was there！
LVOFF。 ＇Not listening to him＇ To men like yourself one must speak
plainly； and if you don't want to hear what I have to say； you
need not listen。 I always call a spade a spade； the truth is； you
want her to die so that the way may be cleared for your other
schemes。 Be it so； but can't you wait？ If； instead of crushing
the life out of your wife by your heartless egoism； you let her
die naturally； do you think you would lose Sasha and Sasha's
money？ Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are could turn the girl's
head and get her money a year from now as easily as you can
to…day。 Why are you in such a hurry？ Why do you want your wife to
die now； instead of in a month's time； or a year's？
IVANOFF。 This is torture！ You are a very bad doctor if you think
a man can control himself forev