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having no conscience。 He is utterly stupid； but of a
jovial turn； He believes himself to be quite a
respectable member of society： but perhaps the only good
action he ever did in his life is the involuntary one of
giving an example to be avoided； and showing what an
odious thing in the social picture is that figure of the
debauched old man who passes through life rather a
decorous Silenus； and dies some day in his garret； alone；
unrepenting； and unnoted； save by his astonished heirs；
who find that the dissolute old miser has left money
behind him。 See！ he is up to old Carabas already！ I
told you he would。
Yonder you see the old Lady Mary MacScrew； and those
middle…aged young women her daughters； they are going to
cheapen and haggle in Belgium and up the Rhine until they
meet with a boarding…house where they can live upon less
board…wages than her ladyship pays her footmen。 But she
will exact and receive considerable respect from the
British Snobs located in the watering place which she
selects for her summer residence； being the daughter of
the Earl of Haggistoun。 That broad…shouldered buck； with
the great whiskers and the cleaned white kid…gloves； is
Mr。 Phelim Clancy of Poldoodystown： he calls himself Mr。
De Clancy； he endeavours to disguise his native brogue
with the richest superposition of English； and if you
play at billiards or ECARTE with him； the chances are
that you will win the first game； and he the seven or
eight games ensuing。
That overgrown lady with the four daughters； and the
young dandy from the University； her son； is Mrs。 Kewsy；
the eminent barrister's lady； who would rather die than
not be in the fashion。 She has the 'Peerage' in her
carpet…bag； you may be sure； but she is altogether cut
out by Mrs。 Quod； the attorney's wife； whose carriage；
with the apparatus of rumbles； dickeys； and imperials；
scarcely yields in splendour to the Marquis of Carabas's
own travelling…chariot； and whose courier has even bigger
whiskers and a larger morocco money…bag than the
Marquis's own travelling gentleman。 Remark her well： she
is talking to Mr。 Spout； the new Member for Jawborough；
who is going out to inspect the operations of the
Zollverein； and will put some very severe questions to
Lord Palmerston next session upon England and her
relations with the Prussian…blue trade； the Naples…soap
trade； the German…tinder trade； &c。 Spout will patronize
King Leopold at Brussels； will write letters from abroad
to the JAWBOROUGH INDEPENDENT； and in his quality of
MEMBER DU PARLIAMONG BRITANNIQUE； will expect to be
invited to a family dinner with every sovereign whose
dominions he honours with a visit during his tour。
The next person isbut hark！ the bell for shore is
ringing； and； shaking Snook's hand cordially； we rush on
to the pier； waving him a farewell as the noble black
ship cuts keenly through the sunny azure waters； bearing
away that cargo of Snobs outward bound。
CHAPTER XXII
CONTINENTAL SNOBBERY CONTINUED
We are accustomed to laugh at the French for their
braggadocio propensities； and intolerable vanity about La
France； la gloire； l'Empereur； and the like； and yet I
think in my heart that the British Snob； for conceit and
self…sufficiency and braggartism in his way； is without a
parallel。 There is always something uneasy in a
Frenchman's conceit。 He brags with so much fury；
shrieking； and gesticulation； yells out so loudly that
the Francais is at the head of civilization； the centre
of thought； &c。； that one can't but see the poor fellow
has a lurking doubt in his own mind that he is not the
wonder he professes to be。
About the British Snob； on the contrary； there is
commonly no noise； no bluster； but the calmness of
profound conviction。 We are better than all the world；
we don't question the opinion at all； it's an axiom。 And
when a Frenchman bellows out； 'LA FRANCE； MONSIEUR； LA
FRANCE EST A LA TETE DU MONDE CIVILISE！' we laugh good…
naturedly at the frantic poor devil。 WE are the first
chop of the world： we know the fact so well in our secret
hearts that a claim set up elsewhere is simply ludicrous。
My dear brother reader； say； as a man of honour； if you
are not of this opinion？ Do you think a Frenchman your
equal？ You don'tyou gallant British Snobyou know you
don't： no more； perhaps； does the Snob your humble
servant； brother。
And I am inclined to think it is this conviction； and the
consequent bearing of the Englishman towards the
foreigner whom he condescends to visit； this confidence
of superiority which holds up the head of the owner of
every English hat…box from Sicily to St。 Petersburg； that
makes us so magnificently hated throughout Europe as we
are； thismore than all our little victories； and of
which many Frenchmen and Spaniards have never heardthis
amazing and indomitable insular pride； which animates my
lord in his travelling…carriage as well as John in the
rumble。
If you read the old Chronicles of the French wars； you
find precisely the same character of the Englishman； and
Henry V。's people behaved with just the cool domineering
manner of our gallant veterans of France and the
Peninsula。 Did you never hear Colonel Cutler and Major
Slasher talking over the war after dinner？ or Captain
Boarder describing his action with the 'Indomptable？'
'Hang the fellows；' says Boarder； 'their practice was
very good。 I was beat off three times before I took
her。' 'Cuss those carabineers of Milhaud's；' says
Slasher； 'what work they made of our light cavalry！'
implying a sort of surprise that the Frenchman should
stand up against Britons at all： a good…natured wonder
that the blind； mad； vain…glorious； brave poor devils
should actually have the courage to resist an Englishman。
Legions of such Englishmen are patronizing Europe at this
moment； being kind to the Pope； or good…natured to the
King of Holland； or condescending to inspect the Prussian
reviews。 When Nicholas came here； who reviews a quarter
of a million of pairs of moustaches to his breakfast
every morning； we took him off to Windsor and showed him
two whole regiments of six or eight hundred Britons a…
piece； with an air as much as to say；'There； my boy；
look at THAT。 Those are ENGLISHMEN； those are； and your
master whenever you please；' as the nursery song says。
The British Snob is long； long past scepticism； and can
afford to laugh quite good…humouredly at those conceited
Yankees； or besotted little Frenchmen； who set up as
models of mankind。 THEY forsooth！
I have been led into these remarks by listening to an old
fellow at the Hotel du Nord； at Boulogne； and who is
evidently of the Slasher sort。 He came down and seated
himself at the breakfast…table； with a surly scowl on his
salmon…coloured bloodshot face； strangling in a tight；
cross…barred cravat； his linen and his appointments so
perfectly stiff and spotless that ev