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cross…barred cravat； his linen and his appointments so
perfectly stiff and spotless that everybody at once
recognized him as a dear countryman。 Only our port…wine
and other admirable institutions could have produced a
figure so insolent； so stupid； so gentleman…like。 After
a while our attention was called to him by his roaring
out； in a voice of plethoric fury； 'O！'
Everybody turned round at the 'O；' conceiving the Colonel
to be； as his countenance denoted him； in intense pain；
but the waiters knew better； and instead of being
alarmed； brought the Colonel the kettle。 'O；' it
appears； is the French for hot…water。 The Colonel
（though he despises it heartily） thinks he speaks the
language remarkably well。 Whilst he was inhausting his
smoking tea； which went rolling and gurgling down his
throat； and hissing over the 'hot coppers' of that
respectable veteran； a friend joined him； with a wizened
face and very black wig； evidently a Colonel too。
The two warriors； waggling their old heads at each other；
presently joined breakfast； and fell into conversation；
and we had the advantage of hearing about the old war；
and some pleasant conjectures as to the next； which they
considered imminent。 They psha'd the French fleet； they
pooh…pooh'd the French commercial marine； they showed
how； in a war； there would be a cordon （'a cordong； by…
'） of steamers along our coast； and 'by …；' ready at a
minute to land anywhere on the other shore； to give the
French as good a thrashing as they got in the last war；
'by …'。 In fact； a rumbling cannonade of oaths was
fired by the two veterans during the whole of their
conversation。
There was a Frenchman in the room； but as he had not been
above ten years in London； of course he did not speak the
language； and lost the benefit of the conversation。
'But； O my country！' said I to myself； it's no wonder
that you are so beloved！ If I were a Frenchman； how I
would hate you！'
That brutal； ignorant； peevish bully of an Englishman is
showing himself in every city of Europe。 One of the
dullest creatures under heaven； he goes travelling Europe
under foot； shouldering his way into galleries and
cathedrals； and bustling into palaces with his buck…ram
uniform。 At church or theatre； gala or picture…gallery；
HIS face never varies。 A thousand delightful sights pass
before his bloodshot eyes； and don't affect him。
Countless brilliant scenes of life and manners are shown
him； but never move him。 He goes to church； and calls
the practices there degrading and superstitious： as if
HIS altar was the only one that was acceptable。 He goes
to picture…galleries； and is more ignorant about Art than
a French shoeblack。 Art； Nature pass； and there is no
dot of admiration in his stupid eyes： nothing moves him；
except when a very great man comes his way； and then the
rigid； proud； self…confident； inflexible British Snob can
be as humble as a flunkey and as supple as a harlequin。
CHAPTER XXIII
ENGLISH SNOBS ON THE CONTINENT
'WHAT is the use of Lord Rome's telescope？' my friend
Panwiski exclaimed the other day。 'It only enables you
to see a few hundred thousands of miles farther。 What
were thought to be mere nebulae； turn out to be most
perceivable starry systems； and beyond these； you see
other nebulae； which a more powerful glass will show to
be stars； again； and so they go on glittering and winking
away into eternity。' With which my friend Pan； heaving a
great sigh； as if confessing his inability to look
Infinity in the face； sank back resigned； and swallowed a
large bumper of claret。
I （who； like other great men； have but one idea）； thought
to myself； that as the stars are； so are the Snobs：the
more。 you gaze upon those luminaries； the more you
beholdnow nebulously congregatednow faintly
distinguishablenow brightly defineduntil they twinkle
off in endless blazes； and fade into the immeasurable
darkness。 I am but as a child playing on the sea…shore。
Some telescopic philosopher will arise one day； some
great Snobonomer； to find the laws of the great science
which we are now merely playing with； and to define； and
settle； and classify that which is at present but vague
theory； and loose though elegant assertion。
Yes： a single eye can but trace a very few and simple
varieties of the enormous universe of Snobs。 I sometimes
think of appealing to the public； and calling together a
congress of SAVANS； such as met at Southamptoneach to
bring his contributions and read his paper on the Great
Subject。 For what can a single poor few do； even with
the subject at present in hand？ English Snobs on the
Continentthough they are a hundred thousand times less
numerous than on their native island； yet even these few
are too many。 One can only fix a stray one here and
there。 The individuals are caughtthe thousands escape。
I have noted down but three whom I have met with in my
walk this morning through this pleasant marine city of
Boulogne。
There is the English Raff Snob； that frequents ESTAMINETS
and CABARETS； who is heard yelling； 'We won't go home
till morning！' and startling the midnight echoes of quiet
Continental towns with shrieks of English slang。 The
boozy unshorn wretch is seen hovering round quays as
packets arrive； and tippling drains in inn bars where he
gets credit。 He talks French with slang familiarity： he
and his like quite people the debt…prisons on the
Continent。 He plays pool at the billiard…houses； and may
be seen engaged at cards and dominoes of forenoons。 His
signature is to be seen on countless bills of exchange：
it belonged to an honourable family once； very likely；
for the English Raff most probably began by being a
gentleman； and has a father over the water who is ashamed
to hear his name。 He has cheated the old 'governor'
repeatedly in better days； and swindled his sisters of
their portions； and robbed his younger brothers。 Now he
is living on his wife's jointure： she is hidden away in
some dismal garret； patching shabby finery and cobbling
up old clothes for her childrenthe most miserable and
slatternly of women。
Or sometimes the poor woman and her daughters go about
timidly； giving lessons in English and music； or do
embroidery and work under…hand； to purchase the means for
the POT…AU…FEU； while Raff is swaggering on the quay； or
tossing off glasses of cognac at the CAF？。 The
unfortunate creature has a child still every year； and
her constant hypocrisy is to try and make her girls
believe that their father is a respectable man； and to
huddle him out of the way when the brute comes home
drunk。
Those poor ruined souls get together and have a society
of their own； the which it is very affecting to watch
those tawdry pretences at gentility； those flimsy
attempts at gaiety： those woful sallies： that jingling
old piano； oh； it makes the heart sick to see and hear
them。