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connected with the place。 So； for a mile and a half I
walkedalone and thinking of death。
I forgot to say the house is in full view all the way
except when intercepted by the trees on the miserable
island in the lakean enormous red…brick mansion；
square； vast； and dingy。 It is flanked by four stone
towers with weathercocks。 In the midst of the grand
facade is a huge Ionic portico； approached by a vast；
lonely； ghastly staircase。 Rows of black windows； framed
in stone； stretch on either side； right and leftthree
storeys and eighteen windows of a row。 You may see a
picture of the palace and staircase； in the 'Views of
England and Wales；' with four carved and gilt carriages
waiting at the gravel walk； and several parties of ladies
and gentlemen in wigs and hoops； dotting the fatiguing
lines of stairs。
But these stairs are made in great houses for people NOT
to ascend。 The first Lady Carabas （they are but eighty
years in the peerage）； if she got out of her gilt coach
in a shower； would be wet to the skin before she got
half…way to the carved Ionic portico； where four dreary
statues of Peace； Plenty； Piety and Patriotism； are the
only sentinels。 You enter these palaces by back…doors。
'That was the way the Carabases got their peerage；' the
misanthropic Ponto said after dinner。
WellI rang the bell at a little low side…door； it
clanged and jingled and echoed for a long； long while；
till at length a face； as of a housekeeper； peered
through the door； and； as she saw my hand in my waistcoat
pocket； opened it。 Unhappy； lonely housekeeper； I
thought。 Is Miss Crusoe in her island more solitary？
The door clapped to； and I was in Castle Carabas。
'The side entrance and All；' says the housekeeper。 'The
halligator hover the mantelpiece was brought home by
Hadmiral St。 Michaels； when a Capting with Lord Hanson。
The harms on the cheers is the harms of the Carabas
family。' The hall was rather comfortable。 We went
clapping up a clean stone backstair； and then into a back
passage cheerfully decorated with ragged light…green
Kidderminster； and issued upon
'THE GREAT ALL。
'The great all is seventy…two feet in lenth； fifty…six in
breath； and thirty…eight feet 'igh。 The carvings of the
chimlies； representing the buth of Venus； and Ercules；
and Eyelash； is by Van Chislum； the most famous sculpture
of his hage and country。 The ceiling； by Calimanco；
represents Painting； Harchitecture and Music （the naked
female figure with the barrel horgan） introducing George；
fust Lord Carabas； to the Temple of the Muses。 The
winder ornaments is by Vanderputty。 The floor is
Patagonian marble； and the chandelier in the centre was
presented to Lionel； second Marquis； by Lewy the
Sixteenth； whose 'ead was cut hoff in the French
Revelation。 We now henter
THE SOUTH GALLERY。
'One 'undred and forty…eight in lenth by thirty…two in
breath； it is profusely hornaminted by the choicest works
of Hart。 Sir Andrew Katz； founder of the Carabas family
and banker of the Prince of Horange； Kneller。 Her
present Ladyship； by Lawrence。 Lord St。 Michaels； by the
samehe is represented sittin' on a rock in velvit
pantaloons。 Moses in the bullrushesthe bull very fine；
by Paul Potter。 The toilet of Venus； Fantaski。 Flemish
Bores drinking； Van Ginnums。 Jupiter and Europia； de
Horn。 The Grandjunction Canal； Venis； by Candleetty； and
Italian Bandix； by Slavata Rosa。'And so this worthy
woman went on； from one room into another； from the blue
room to the green； and the green to the grand saloon； and
the grand saloon to the tapestry closet； cackling her
list of pictures and wonders： and furtively turning up a
corner of brown holland to show the colour of the old；
faded； seedy； mouldy； dismal hangings。
At last we came to her Ladyship's bed…room。 In the
centre of this dreary apartment there is a bed about the
size of one of those whizgig temples in which the Genius
appears in a pantomime。 The huge gilt edifice is
approached by steps； and so tall； that it might be let
off in floors； for sleeping…rooms for all the Carabas
family。 An awful bed！ A murder might be done at one end
of that bed； and people sleeping at the other end be
ignorant of it。 Gracious powers！ fancy little Lord
Carabas in a nightcap ascending those steps after putting
out the candle！
The sight of that seedy and solitary splendour was too
much for me。 I should go mad were I that lonely
housekeeperin those enormous galleriesin that lonely
library； filled up with ghastly folios that nobody dares
read； with an inkstand on the centre table like the
coffin of a baby； and sad portraits staring at you from
the bleak walls with their solemn Mouldy eyes。 No wonder
that Carabas does not come down here often。
It would require two thousand footmen to make the place
cheerful。 No wonder the coachman resigned his wig； that
the masters are insolvent； and the servants perish in
this huge dreary out…at…elbow place。
A single family has no more right to build itself a
temple of that sort than to erect a Tower of Babel。 Such
a habitation is not decent for a mere mortal man。 But；
after all； I suppose poor Carabas had no choice。 Fate
put him there as it sent Napoleon to St。 Helena。 Suppose
it had been decreed by Nature that you and I should be
Marquises？ We wouldn't refuse； I suppose； but take
Castle Carabas and all； with debts； duns； and mean
makeshifts； and shabby pride； and swindling magnificence。
Next season； when I read of Lady Carabas's splendid
entertainments in the MORNING POST； and see the poor old
insolvent cantering through the ParkI shall have a much
tenderer interest in these great people than I have had
heretofore。 Poor old shabby Snob！ Ride on and fancy the
world is still on its knees before the house of Carabas！
Give yourself airs； poor old bankrupt Magnifico； who are
under money…obligations to your flunkeys； and must stoop
so as to swindle poor tradesmen！ And for us； O my
brother Snobs； oughtn't we to feel happy if our walk
through life is more even； and that we are out of the
reach of that surprising arrogance and that astounding
meanness to which this wretched old victim is obliged to
mount and descend。
CHAPTER XXIX
A VISIT TO SOME COUNTRY SNOBS
Notable as my reception had been （under that unfortunate
mistake of Mrs。 Ponto that I was related to Lord
Snobbington； which I was not permitted to correct）； it
was nothing compared to the bowing and kotooing； the
raptures and flurry which preceded and welcomed the visit
of a real live lord and lord's son； a brother officer of
Cornet Wellesley Ponto； in the 120th Hussars； who came
over with the young Cornet from Guttlebury； where their
distinguished regiment was quartered。 This was my Lord
Gules； Lord Saltire's grandson and heir： a very young；
short； sandy…haired and tobacco…smoking nobleman； who
cannot have