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possessing all these qualities； to exercise them in the
most graceful outward manner？ Ought a gentleman to be a
loyal son； a true husband； and honest father？ Ought his
life to be decenthis bills to be paidhis tastes to be
high and eleganthis aims in life lofty and noble？ In
a word； ought not the Biography of a First Gentleman in
Europe to be of such a nature that it might be read in
Young Ladies' Schools with advantage； and studied with
profit in the Seminaries of Young Gentlemen？ I put this
question to all instructors of youthto Mrs。 Ellis and
the Women of England； to all schoolmasters； from Doctor
Hawtrey down to Mr。 Squeers。 I conjure up before me an
awful tribunal of youth and innocence； attended by its
venerable instructors （like the ten thousand red…cheeked
charity…children in Saint Paul's）； sitting in judgment；
and Gorgius pleading his cause in the midst。 Out of
Court； out of Court； fat old Florizel！ Beadles； turn out
that bloated； pimple…faced man！If Gorgius MUST have a
statue in the new Palace which the Brentford nation is
building； it ought to be set up in the Flunkeys' Hall。
He should be represented cutting out a coat； in which art
he is said to have excelled。 He also invented Maraschino
punch； a shoe…buckle （this was in the vigour of his
youth； and the prime force of his invention）； and a
Chinese pavilion； the most hideous building in the world。
He could drive a four…in…hand very nearly as well as the
Brighton coachman； could fence elegantly； and it is said；
played the fiddle well。 And he smiled with such
irresistible fascination； that persons who were
introduced into his august presence became his victims；
body and soul； as a rabbit becomes the prey of a great
big boa…constrictor。
I would wager that if Mr。 Widdicomb were； by a
revolution； placed on the throne of Brentford； people
would be equally fascinated by his irresistibly majestic
smile and tremble as they knelt down to kiss his hand。
If he went to Dublin they would erect an obelisk on the
spot where he first landed； as the Paddylanders did when
Gorgius visited them。 We have all of us read with
delight that story of the King's voyage to Haggisland；
where his presence inspired such a fury of loyalty and
where the most famous man of the countrythe Baron of
Bradwardinecoming on board the royal yacht； and finding
a glass out of which Gorgius had drunk； put it into his
coatpocket as an inestimable relic； and went ashore in
his boat again。 But the Baron sat down upon the glass
and broke it； and cut his coat…tails very much； and the
inestimable relic was lost to the world for ever。 O
noble Bradwardine！ what old…world superstition could set
you on your knees before such an idol as that？
If you want to moralise upon the mutability of human
affairs； go and see the figure of Gorgius in his real；
identical robes； at the waxwork。Admittance one
shilling。 Children and flunkeys sixpence。 Go； and pay
sixpence。
CHAPTER III
THE INFLUENCE OF THE ARISTOCRACY ON SNOBS
Last Sunday week； being at church in this city； and the
service just ended； I heard two Snobs conversing about
the Parson。 One was asking the other who the clergyman
was？ 'He is Mr。 So…and…so；' the second Snob answered；
'domestic chaplain to the Earl of What…d'ye…call'im。'
'Oh； is he' said the first Snob； with a tone of
indescribable satisfaction。The Parson's orthodoxy and
identity were at once settled in this Snob's mind。 He
knew no more about the Earl than about the Chaplain； but
he took the latter's character upon the authority of the
former； and went home quite contented with his Reverence；
like a little truckling Snob。
This incident gave me more matter for reflection even
than the sermon： and wonderment at the extent and
prevalence of Lordolatory in this country。 What could it
matter to Snob whether his Reverence were chaplain to his
Lordship or not？ What Peerageworship there is all
through this free country！ How we are all implicated in
it； and more or less down on our knees。And with regard
to the great subject on hand； I think that the influence
of the Peerage upon Snobbishness has been more remarkabie
than that of any other institution。 The increase；
encouragement； and maintenance of Snobs are among the
'priceless services；' as Lord John Russell says； which we
owe to the nobility。
It can't be otherwise。 A man becomes enormously rich； or
he jobs successfully in the aid of a Minister； or he wins
a great battle； or executes a treaty； or is a clever
lawyer who makes a multitude of fees and ascends the
bench； and the country rewards him for ever with a gold
coronot （with more or less balls or leaves） and a title；
and a rank as legislator。 'Your merits are so great；'
says the nation； 'that your children shall be allowed to
reign over us； in a manner。 It does not in the least
matter that your eldest son be a fool： we think your
services so remarkable； that he shall have the reversion
of your honours when death vacates your noble shoes。 If
you are poor； we will give you such a sum of money as
shall enable you and the eldest…born of your race for
ever to live in fat and splendour。 It is our wish that
there should be a race set apart in this happy country；
who shall hold the first rank； have the first prizes and
chances in all government jobs and patronages。 We cannot
make all your dear children Peersthat would make
Peerage common and crowd the House of Lords
uncomfortablybut the young ones shall have everything a
Government can give： they shall get the pick of all the
places： they shall be Captains and Lieutenant…Colonels at
nineteen； when hoary…headed old lieutenants are spending
thirty years at drill： they shall command ships at one…
and…twenty； and veterans who fought before they were
born。 And as we are eminently a free people； and in
order to encourage all men to do their duty； we say to
any man of any rankget enormously rich； make immense
fees as a lawyer； or great speeches； or distinguish
yourself and win battlesand you； even you； shall come
into the privileged class； and your children shall reign
naturally over ours。'
How can we help Snobbishness； with such a prodigious
national institution erected for its worship？ How can we
help cringing to Lords？ Flesh and blood can't do
otherwise。 What man can withstand this prodigious
temptation？ Inspired by what is called a noble
emulation； some people grasp at honours and win them；
others； too weak or mean； blindly admire and grovel
before those who have gained them； others； not being able
to acquire them； furiously hate； abuse； and envy。 There
are only a few bland and not…in…the…least…conceited
philosophers； who can behold the state of society； viz。；
Toadyism； organised：base Man…and…Mammon worship；
instituted by command of law：Snobbishness； in a word；
perpetuated；and mark the phenomenon calmly。 And of
these calm mora