按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Nobodyon the stage； we meanever has enough of the stage child。
Nobody ever tells the stage child to 〃shut up〃 or to 〃get out of this。〃
Nobody ever clumps the stage child over the head。
When the real child goes to the theater it must notice these things and
wish it were a stage child。
The stage child is much admired by the audience。 Its pathos makes
them weep； its tragedy thrills them； its declamationas for instance when
it takes the center of the stage and says it will kill the wicked man； and the
police； and everybody who hurts its marstirs them like a trumpet note；
and its light comedy is generally held to be the most truly humorous thing
in the whole range of dramatic art。
But there are some people so strangely constituted that they do not
appreciate the stage child； they do not comprehend its uses； they do not
understand its beauties。 We should not be angry with them。 We should
the rather pity them。
We ourselves had a friend once who suffered from this misfortune。
He was a married man； and Providence had been very gracious； very good
to him： he had been blessed with eleven children； and they were all
growing up well and strong。
The 〃baby〃 was eleven weeks old； and then came the twins； who were
getting on for fifteen months and were cutting their double teeth nicely。
The youngest girl was three； there were five boys aged seven； eight； nine；
ten； and twelve respectivelygood enough lads； butwell； there； boys will
be boys； you know； we were just the same ourselves when we were young。
The two eldest were both very pleasant girls； as their mother said； the only
pity was that they would quarrel so with each other。
We never knew a healthier set of boys and girls。 They were so full of
energy and dash。
Our friend was very much out of sorts one evening when we called on
36
… Page 37…
STAGE…LAND。
him。 It was holiday…time and wet weather。 He had been at home all day；
and so had all the children。 He was telling his wife when we entered the
room that if the holidays were to last much longer and those twins did not
hurry up and get their teeth quickly； he should have to go away and join
the County Council。 He could not stand the racket。
His wife said she could not see what he had to complain of。 She was
sure better…hearted children no man could have。
Our friend said he didn't care a straw about their hearts。 It was their
legs and arms and lungs that were driving him crazy。
He also said that he would go out with us and get away from it for a bit；
or he should go mad。
He proposed a theater； and we accordingly made our way toward the
Strand。 Our friend； in closing the door behind him； said he could not tell
us what a relief it was to get away from those children。 He said he loved
children very much indeed； but that it was a mistake to have too much of
anything； however much you liked it； and that he had come to the
conclusion that twenty…two hours a day of them was enough for any one。
He said he did not want to see another child or hear another child until
he got home。 He wanted to forget that there were such things as children
in the world。
We got up to the Strand and dropped into the first theater we came to。
The curtain went up； and on the stage was a small child standing in its
nightshirt and screaming for its mother。
Our friend looked； said one word and bolted； and we followed。
We went a little further and dropped into another theater。
Here there were two children on the stage。 Some grown…up people
were standing round them listening； in respectful attitudes； while the
children talked。 They appeared to be lecturing about something。
Again we fled； swearing； and made our way to a third theater。 They
were all children there。 It was somebody or other's Children's Company
performing an opera； or pantomime； or something of that sort。
Our friend said he would not venture into another theater。 He said he
had heard there were places called music…halls； and he begged us to take
him to one of these and not to tell his wife。
37
… Page 38…
STAGE…LAND。
We inquired of a policeman and found that there really were such
places； and we took him into one。
The first thing we saw were two little boys doing tricks on a horizontal
bar。
Our friend was about to repeat his customary programme of flying and
cursing； but we restrained him。 We assured him that he would really see
a grown…up person if he waited a bit； so he sat out the boys and also their
little sister on a bicycle and waited for the next item。
It turned out to be an infant phenomenon who sang and danced in
fourteen different costumes； and we once more fled。
Our friend said he could not go home in the state he was then； he felt
sure he should kill the twins if he did。 He pondered for awhile； and then
he thought he would go and hear some music。 He said he thought a little
music would soothe and ennoble himmake him feel more like a Christian
than he did at that precise moment。
We were near St。 James' Hall； so we went in there。
The hall was densely crowded； and we had great difficulty in forcing
our way to our seats。 We reached them at length； and then turned our
eyes toward the orchestra。
〃The marvelous boy pianistonly ten years old！〃 was giving a recital。
Then our friend rose and said he thought be would give it up and go
home。
We asked him if he would like to try any other place of amusement；
but he said 〃No。〃 He said that when you came to think of it； it seemed a
waste of money for a man with eleven children of his own to go about to
places of entertainment nowadays。
38
… Page 39…
STAGE…LAND。
THE COMIC LOVERS。
Oh； they are funny！ The comic lovers' mission in life is to serve as a
sort of 〃relief〃 to the misery caused the audience by the other characters in
the play； and all that is wanted now is something that will be a relief to the
comic lovers。
They have nothing to do with the play； but they come on immediately
after anything very sad has