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of their diet； to reveal the contents of their crops and gizzards。
At one time he suddenly ceased to employ this distraction； he seems to have
sacrificed it easily； under the stress of present necessities and cruel
anxieties as to his uncertain future。 〃When we do not know where we shall
be tomorrow nothing can distract us。〃 （2/10。）
His responsibilities were increasing。 He had lately married。 On the 30th
October； 1844； he was wedded to a young girl of Carpentras； Marie Villard；
and already a child was born。 His parents； always unlucky； met nowhere with
any success。 By dint of many wanderings they had finally become stranded at
Pierrelatte； the chief town of the canton of La Dr？me； sheltered by the
great rock which has given the place its name； and there again； of course；
they kept a café； situated on the Place d'Armes。
The whole family was now assembled in the same district； a few miles only
one from another： but Henri was really its head。 Having heard that a
quarrel had arisen between his brother and his mother； he wrote to Frédéric
in reprimand； gently scolding him and begging him to set matters right；
〃even if all the wrongs were not on his side。〃
〃My father； in one of his letters； complains that in spite of your nearness
you have not yet been to see them。 I know very well there is some reason
for sulking； but what matter？ Give it up： forget everything； do your best
to put an end to all these petty and ugly estrangements。 You will do so；
won't you？ I count on it； for the happiness of all。〃 （2/11。）
He was their arbitrator； their adviser； their oracle； their bond of union。
With all this； he was ready to attempt the two examinations which were to
decide his future。 Very shortly； at Montpellier； he passed almost
successively； at an interval of only a few months the examinations for both
his baccalauréats； and then the two licentiate examinations in mathematics
and physical science。
While he was ardently studying for these examinations； sorrow for the first
time knocked at his door。 His first…born fell suddenly ill； and in a few
days died。 On this occasion all his ardent spirituality asserted itself；
though in stricken accents； in the letter which he wrote to his brother to
announce his loss：
〃After a few days of a marked improvement； which made me think he was
saved； two large teeth were cut。。。and in three days a dreadful fever took
him； not from us； who will follow him； but from this miserable world。 Ah；
poor child； I shall always see you as you were during those last moments；
turning those wide； wandering eyes toward heaven； seeking the way to your
new country。 With a heart full of tears； I shall often let my thoughts go
straying after you； but alas！ with the eyes of the body I shall never see
you again。 I shall see you no more： yet only a few days ago I was making
the finest plans for you。 I used to work for you only； in my studies I
thought only of you。 Grow up； I used to say； and I will pour into your mind
all the knowledge which has cost me so dear； which I am hoarding little by
little。。。But reflection leads me to higher thoughts。 I choke back the tears
in my heart； and I congratulate him that Heaven has mercifully spared him
this life of trials。。。My poor child。。。you will never； like your father；
have to struggle against poverty and misfortune； you will never know the
bitterness of life； and the difficulties of creating a position at a time
when there are so many paths that lead to failure。。。I weep for you because
we have lost you； but I rejoice because you are happy。。。You are happy； and
this is not the mad hope of a father broken by sorrow； no； your last glance
told me so； too eloquently for me to doubt it。 Oh； how beautiful you were
in your mortal pallor； the last sigh on your lips； your gaze upon heaven；
and your soul ready to fly into the bosom of God！ Your last day was the
most beautiful！〃 （2/12。）
Although study was his refuge； although he was thereby able to live through
these evil days without too greatly feeling their weight； his position was
hateful； and he lived a wretched life 〃from one day to another； like a
beggar。〃
In those troublous times； when education was of no account； it often
happened that his teacher's salary was several months in arrears； and the
city of Carpentras； 〃not being in funds；〃 paid it only by instalments； and
even so kept him a long time waiting。 〃One has to besiege the paymaster's
door merely to obtain a trifle on account。 I am ashamed of the whole
business； and I would gladly abandon my claim if I knew where to raise any
money。〃 （2/13。）
The genius of Balzac has recorded some unforgettable types of those poor
and notable lives； at once so humble and so lofty。 He has described the
village curé and the country doctor。 But how we should have loved to
encounter in his gallery； among so many living portraits； a picture of the
university life of fifty years ago； and above all a picture of the small
schoolmaster of other days； living a life so narrow； so slavish； so
painful； and yet so full of worth； so imbued with the sense of duty； and
withal so resigned； a portrait for which Fabre might have served as model
and prototype； and for which he himself has drawn an unforgettable sketch。
He awaited impatiently the news of his removal； very modestly limiting his
ambitions to the hope of entering some lycée as professor of the sciences。
His rector was not unnaturally astonished that a young man of such unusual
worth； already twice a licentiate； should be so little appreciated by those
in high places and allowed to stagnate so long in an inferior post； and one
unworthy of him。
In the end； however； after much patient waiting； he became indignant； as
always； he could see nothing ahead。 The chair of mathematics at Tournon
escaped him。 Another position； at Avignon； also 〃slipped through his
fingers〃； why or how he never knew。 He 〃began to see clearly what life is；
and how difficult it is to make one's mark amid all this army of schemers；
beggars and imbeciles who besiege every vacant post。〃
But his heart was 〃none the less hot with indignation〃； he had had enough
of 〃Carpentras； that accursed little hole〃； and when the vacations came
round once more he 〃plainly considered the question〃 and declared 〃that he
would never again set foot inside a communal school。〃 （2/14。）
He wrote to the rector： 〃If instead of crushing me into the narrow round of
a primary school they would give me some employment of the kind for which
my studies and ideas fit me； they would know then what is hatching in my
head and what untirable activity there is in me。〃 （2/15。）
He resigned himself nevertheless； he cursed and swore and stormed at his
fate； but he had once more to put up with it 〃for want of a better。〃 All
the same 〃the injustice was too unheard…of； and no one had ever seen or
would ever see the like： to give him two licentiate's diplomas； and to make
him conjuga