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charge； that howsoever the form of such animals might appear to be
similar to those so protected by the law； yet it was a mere DECEPTIO
VISUS； for what resembled hares were； in fact； HILL…KIDS； and those
partaking of the appearance of moor… fowl； were truly WOOD PIGEONS
and consumed and eaten EO NOMINE； and not otherwise。
Again； the Exciseman pretended； that my deceased Landlord did
encourage that species of manufacture called distillation； without having
an especial permission from the Great； technically called a license； for
doing so。 Now； I stand up to confront this falsehood； and in defiance of
him； his gauging…stick； and pen and inkhorn； I tell him； that I never saw； or
tasted； a glass of unlawful aqua vitae in the house of my Landlord； nay；
that； on the contrary； we needed not such devices； in respect of a pleasing
and somewhat seductive liquor； which was vended and consumed at the
Wallace Inn； under the name of MOUNTAIN DEW。 If there is a penalty
against manufacturing such a liquor； let him show me the statute； and
when he does； I'll tell him if I will obey it or no。
Concerning those who came to my Landlord for liquor； and went
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thirsty away； for lack of present coin； or future credit； I cannot but say it
has grieved my bowels as if the case had been mine own。 Nevertheless；
my Landlord considered the necessities of a thirsty soul； and would permit
them； in extreme need； and when their soul was impoverished for lack of
moisture； to drink to the full value of their watches and wearing apparel；
exclusively of their inferior habiliments； which he was uniformly
inexorable in obliging them to retain； for the credit of the house。 As to
mine own part； I may well say； that he never refused me that modicum of
refreshment with which I am wont to recruit nature after the fatigues of
my school。 It is true； I taught his five sons English and Latin； writing；
book…keeping； with a tincture of mathematics； and that I instructed his
daughter in psalmody。 Nor do I remember me of any fee or
HONORARIUM received from him on account of these my labours；
except the compotations aforesaid。 Nevertheless this compensation
suited my humour well； since it is a hard sentence to bid a dry throat wait
till quarter…day。
But； truly； were I to speak my simple conceit and belief； I think my
Landlord was chiefly moved to waive in my behalf the usual requisition of
a symbol； or reckoning； from the pleasure he was wont to take in my
conversation； which； though solid and edifying in the main； was； like a
well…built palace； decorated with facetious narratives and devices； tending
much to the enhancement and ornament thereof。 And so pleased was my
Landlord of the Wallace in his replies during such colloquies； that there
was no district in Scotland； yea； and no peculiar； and； as it were；
distinctive custom therein practised； but was discussed betwixt us；
insomuch； that those who stood by were wont to say； it was worth a bottle
of ale to hear us communicate with each other。 And not a few travellers；
from distant parts； as well as from the remote districts of our kingdom；
were wont to mingle in the conversation； and to tell news that had been
gathered in foreign lands； or preserved from oblivion in this our own。
Now I chanced to have contracted for teaching the lower classes with a
young person called Peter； or Patrick； Pattieson； who had been educated
for our Holy Kirk； yea； had； by the license of presbytery； his voice opened
therein as a preacher； who delighted in the collection of olden tales and
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legends； and in garnishing them with the flowers of poesy； whereof he was
a vain and frivolous professor。 For he followed not the example of those
strong poets whom I preposed to him as a pattern； but formed versification
of a flimsy and modern texture； to the compounding whereof was
necessary small pains and less thought。 And hence I have chid him as
being one of those who bring forward the fatal revolution prophesied by
Mr。 Robert Carey； in his Vaticination on the Death of the celebrated Dr。
John Donne：
Now thou art gone； and thy strict laws will be Too hard for
libertines in poetry； Till verse （by thee refined） in this last age Turn
ballad rhyme。
I had also disputations with him touching his indulging rather a
flowing and redundant than a concise and stately diction in his prose
exercitations。 But notwithstanding these symptoms of inferior taste； and
a humour of contradicting his betters upon passages of dubious
construction in Latin authors； I did grievously lament when Peter Pattieson
was removed from me by death； even as if he had been the offspring of my
own loins。 And in respect his papers had been left in my care （to answer
funeral and death…bed expenses）； I conceived myself entitled to dispose of
one parcel thereof； entitled； 〃Tales of my Landlord；〃 to one cunning in the
trade （as it is called） of bookselling。 He was a mirthful man； of small
stature； cunning in counterfeiting of voices； and in making facetious tales
and responses； and whom I have to laud for the truth of his dealings
towards me。
Now； therefore； the world may see the injustice that charges me with
incapacity to write these narratives； seeing； that though I have proved that
I could have written them if I would； yet； not having done so； the censure
will deservedly fall； if at all due； upon the memory of Mr。 Peter Pattieson；
whereas I must be justly entitled to the praise； when any is due； seeing that；
as the Dean of St。 Patrick's wittily and logically expresseth it；
That without which a thing is not； Is CAUSA SINE QUA NON。
The work； therefore； is unto me as a child is to a parent； in the which
child； if it proveth worthy； the parent hath honour and praise； but； if
otherwise； the disgrace