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it。 Finally; all that can be said in favour of the Academy is; that it
was a love which ended in friendship; which well enough agrees with the
Stoical definition of love:
〃Amorem conatum esse amicitiae faciendae
ex pulchritudinis specie。〃
'〃Love is a desire of contracting friendship arising from the beauty
of the object。〃Cicero; Tusc。 Quaes。; vi。 34。'
I return to my own more just and true description:
〃Omnino amicitiae; corroboratis jam confirmatisque;
et ingeniis; et aetatibus; judicandae sunt。〃
'〃Those are only to be reputed friendships that are fortified and
confirmed by judgement and the length of time。〃
Cicero; De Amicit。;c。 20。'
For the rest; what we commonly call friends and friendships; are nothing
but acquaintance and familiarities; either occasionally contracted; or
upon some design; by means of which there happens some little intercourse
betwixt our souls。 But in the friendship I speak of; they mix and work
themselves into one piece; with so universal a mixture; that there is no
more sign of the seam by which they were first conjoined。 If a man
should importune me to give a reason why I loved him; I find it could no
otherwise be expressed; than by making answer: because it was he; because
it was I。 There is; beyond all that I am able to say; I know not what
inexplicable and fated power that brought on this union。 We sought one
another long before we met; and by the characters we heard of one
another; which wrought upon our affections more than; in reason; mere
reports should do; I think 'twas by some secret appointment of heaven。
We embraced in our names; and at our first meeting; which was
accidentally at a great city entertainment; we found ourselves so
mutually taken with one another; so acquainted; and so endeared betwixt
ourselves; that from thenceforward nothing was so near to us as one
another。 He wrote an excellent Latin satire; since printed; wherein he
excuses the precipitation of our intelligence; so suddenly come to
perfection; saying; that destined to have so short a continuance; as
begun so late (for we were both full…grown men; and he some years the
older); there was no time to lose; nor were we tied to conform to the
example of those slow and regular friendships; that require so many
precautions of long preliminary conversation: This has no other idea than
that of itself; and can only refer to itself: this is no one special
consideration; nor two; nor three; nor four; nor a thousand; 'tis I know
not what quintessence of all this mixture; which; seizing my whole will;
carried it to plunge and lose itself in his; and that having seized his
whole will; brought it back with equal concurrence and appetite to plunge
and lose itself in mine。 I may truly say lose; reserving nothing to
ourselves that was either his or mine。 'All this relates to Estienne de
la Boetie。'
When Laelius; 'Cicero; De Amicit。; c。 II。' in the presence of the
Roman consuls; who after thay had sentenced Tiberius Gracchus; prosecuted
all those who had had any familiarity with him also; came to ask Caius
Blosius; who was his chiefest friend; how much he would have done for
him; and that he made answer: 〃All things。〃 〃How! All things!〃 said
Laelius。 〃And what if he had commanded you to fire our temples?〃 〃He
would never have commanded me that;〃 replied Blosius。 〃But what if he
had?〃 said Laelius。 〃I would have obeyed him;〃 said the other。 If he
was so perfect a friend to Gracchus as the histories report him to have
been; there was yet no necessity of offending the consuls by such a bold
confession; though he might still have retained the assurance he had of
Gracchus' disposition。 However; those who accuse this answer as
seditious; do not well understand the mystery; nor presuppose; as it was
true; that he had Gracchus' will in his sleeve; both by the power of a
friend; and the perfect knowledge he had of the man: they were more
friends than citizens; more friends to one another than either enemies or
friends to their country; or than friends to ambition and innovation;
having absolutely given up themselves to one another; either held
absolutely the reins of the other's inclination; and suppose all this
guided by virtue; and all this by the conduct of reason; which also
without these it had not been possible to do; Blosius' answer was such as
it ought to be。 If any of their actions flew out of the handle; they
were neither (according to my measure of friendship) friends to one
another; nor to themselves。 As to the rest; this answer carries no worse
sound; than mine would do to one that should ask me: 〃If your will should
command you to kill your daughter; would you do it?〃 and that I should
make answer; that I would; for this expresses no consent to such an act;
forasmuch as I do not in the least suspect my own will; and as little
that of such a friend。 'Tis not in the power of all the eloquence in the
world; to dispossess me of the certainty I have of the intentions and
resolutions of my friend; nay; no one action of his; what face soever it
might bear; could be presented to me; of which I could not presently;
and at first sight; find out the moving cause。 Our souls had drawn so
unanimously together; they had considered each other with so ardent an
affection; and with the like affection laid open the very bottom of our
hearts to one another's view; that I not only knew his as well as my own;
but should certainly in any concern of mine have trusted my interest much
more willingly with him; than with myself。
Let no one; therefore; rank other common friendships with such a one as
this。 I have had as much experience of these as another; and of the most
perfect of their kind: but I do not advise that any should confound the
rules of the one and the other; for they would find themselves much
deceived。 In those other ordinary friendships; you are to walk with
bridle in your hand; with prudence and circumspection; for in them the
knot is not so sure that a man may not half suspect it will slip。 〃Love
him;〃 said Chilo;'Aulus Gellius; i。 3。' 〃so as if you were one day to
hate him; and hate him so as you were one day to love him。〃 This
precept; though abominable in the sovereign and perfect friendship I
speak of; is nevertheless very sound as to the practice of the ordinary
and customary ones; and to which the saying that Aristotle had so
frequent in his mouth; 〃O my friends; there is no friend;〃 may very fitly
be applied。 In this noble commerce; good offices; presents; and
benefits; by which other friendships are supported and maintained; do not
deserve so much as to be mentioned; and the reason is the concurrence of
our wills; for; as the kindness I have for myself receives no increase;
for anything I relieve myself withal in time of need (whatever the Stoics
say); and as I do not find myself obliged to myself for any service I do
myself: so the union of such friends; being truly perfect; deprives them
of all idea of such duties; and makes them loathe and banish from their
conversation these words of division and distinction; benefits;