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lay morals-第44章

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ults。

Just then I saw two women coming down a path; one of them  old; and the other younger; with a child in her arms。  Both  had faces eaten with famine and hardened with sin; and both  had reached that stage of degradation; much lower in a woman  than a man; when all care for dress is lost。  As they came  down they neared a grave; where some pious friend or relative  had laid a wreath of immortelles; and put a bell glass over  it; as is the custom。  The effect of that ring of dull yellow  among so many blackened and dusty sculptures was more  pleasant than it is in modern cemeteries; where every second  mound can boast a similar coronal; and here; where it was the  exception and not the rule; I could even fancy the drops of  moisture that dimmed the covering were the tears of those who  laid it where it was。  As the two women came up to it; one of  them kneeled down on the wet grass and looked long and  silently through the clouded shade; while the second stood  above her; gently oscillating to and fro to lull the muling  baby。  I was struck a great way off with something religious  in the attitude of these two unkempt and haggard women; and I  drew near faster; but still cautiously; to hear what they  were saying。  Surely on them the spirit of death and decay  had descended; I had no education to dread here: should I not  have a chance of seeing nature?  Alas! a pawnbroker could not  have been more practical and commonplace; for this was what  the kneeling woman said to the woman upright … this and  nothing more: 'Eh; what extravagance!'

O nineteenth century; wonderful art thou indeed … wonderful;  but wearisome in thy stale and deadly uniformity。  Thy men  are more like numerals than men。  They must bear their  idiosyncrasies or their professions written on a placard  about their neck; like the scenery in Shakespeare's theatre。   Thy precepts of economy have pierced into the lowest ranks of  life; and there is now a decorum in vice; a respectability  among the disreputable; a pure spirit of Philistinism among  the waifs and strays of thy Bohemia。  For lo! thy very  gravediggers talk politics; and thy castaways kneel upon new  graves; to discuss the cost of the monument and grumble at  the improvidence of love。

Such was the elegant apostrophe that I made as I went out of  the gates again; happily satisfied in myself; and feeling  that I alone of all whom I had seen was able to profit by the  silent poem of these green mounds and blackened headstones。

(1) RELIGIO MEDICI; Part ii。 (2) DUCHESS OF MALFI。



SKETCHES CHAPTER IV … NURSES



I KNEW one once; and the room where; lonely and old; she  waited for death。  It was pleasant enough; high up above the  lane; and looking forth upon a hill…side; covered all day  with sheets and yellow blankets; and with long lines of  underclothing fluttering between the battered posts。  There  were any number of cheap prints; and a drawing by one of 'her  children;' and there were flowers in the window; and a sickly  canary withered into consumption in an ornamental cage。  The  bed; with its checked coverlid; was in a closet。  A great  Bible lay on the table; and her drawers were full of  'scones;' which it was her pleasure to give to young visitors  such as I was then。

You may not think this a melancholy picture; but the canary;  and the cat; and the white mouse that she had for a while;  and that died; were all indications of the want that ate into  her heart。  I think I know a little of what that old woman  felt; and I am as sure as if I had seen her; that she sat  many an hour in silent tears; with the big Bible open before  her clouded eyes。

If you could look back upon her life; and feel the great  chain that had linked her to one child after another;  sometimes to be wrenched suddenly through; and sometimes;  which is infinitely worse; to be torn gradually off through  years of growing neglect; or perhaps growing dislike!  She  had; like the mother; overcome that natural repugnance …  repugnance which no man can conquer … towards the infirm and  helpless mass of putty of the earlier stage。  She had spent  her best and happiest years in tending; watching; and  learning to love like a mother this child; with which she has  no connection and to which she has no tie。  Perhaps she  refused some sweetheart (such things have been); or put him  off and off; until he lost heart and turned to some one else;  all for fear of leaving this creature that had wound itself  about her heart。  And the end of it all … her month's  warning; and a present perhaps; and the rest of the life to  vain regret。  Or; worse still; to see the child gradually  forgetting and forsaking her; fostered in disrespect and  neglect on the plea of growing manliness; and at last  beginning to treat her as a servant whom he had treated a few  years before as a mother。  She sees the Bible or the Psalm… book; which with gladness and love unutterable in her heart  she had bought for him years ago out of her slender savings;  neglected for some newer gift of his father; lying in dust in  the lumber…room or given away to a poor child; and the act  applauded for its unfeeling charity。  Little wonder if she  becomes hurt and angry; and attempts to tyrannise and to  grasp her old power back again。  We are not all patient  Grizzels; by good fortune; but the most of us human beings  with feelings and tempers of our own。

And so; in the end; behold her in the room that I described。   Very likely and very naturally; in some fling of feverish  misery or recoil of thwarted love; she has quarrelled with  her old employers and the children are forbidden to see her  or to speak to her; or at best she gets her rent paid and a  little to herself; and now and then her late charges are sent  up (with another nurse; perhaps) to pay her a short visit。   How bright these visits seem as she looks forward to them on  her lonely bed!  How unsatisfactory their realisation; when  the forgetful child; half wondering; checks with every word  and action the outpouring of her maternal love!  How bitter  and restless the memories that they leave behind!  And for  the rest; what else has she? … to watch them with eager eyes  as they go to school; to sit in church where she can see them  every Sunday; to be passed some day unnoticed in the street;  or deliberately cut because the great man or the great woman  are with friends before whom they are ashamed to recognise  the old woman that loved them。

When she goes home that night; how lonely will the room  appear to her!  Perhaps the neighbours may hear her sobbing  to herself in the dark; with the fire burnt out for want of  fuel; and the candle still unlit upon the table。

And it is for this that they live; these quasi…mothers …  mothers in everything but the travail and the thanks。  It is  for this that they have remained virtuous in youth; living  the dull life of a household servant。  It is for this that  they refused the old sweetheart; and have no fireside or  offspring of their own。

I believe in a better state of things; that there will be no  more nurses; and that every mother will nurse her own  offspring; for what can be more hardening and demoralising  than to call fort
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