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no partiality； but be as fair to me as they were to Doctor Z； and that he
would go round in par。
So they placed me right where my eyes might rest on a large wall
cabinet full of very shiny…looking tools； and they took my cigar away from
me and folded my hands on the wide bowknot of my sash。 Then they put a
cloth dingus over my face and a voice of authority told me to breathe。
That advice； however； was superfluous and might just as well have been
omitted； for such was my purpose anyhow。 Ever since I can recall
anything at all； breathing has been a regular habit with me。 So I breathed。
And； at that； a bottle of highly charged sarsaparilla exploded somewhere in
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the immediate vicinity and most of its contents went up my nose。
I started to tell them that somebody had been fooling with their ether
and adulterating it； and that if they thought they could send me off to sleep
with soda pop they were making the mistake of their lives； because it just
naturally could not be done； but for some reason or other I decided to put
off speaking about the matter for a few minutes。 I breathed againagain…
…agai
I was going away from there。 I was in a large gas balloon； soaring up
into the clouds。 How pleasant！ 。。。 No； by Jove！ I was not in a balloonI
myself was the balloon； which was not quite so pleasant。 Besides； Doctor
Z was going along as a passenger； and as we traveled up and up he kept
jabbing me in the midriff with the ferrule of a large umbrella which he had
brought along with him in case of rain。 He jabbed me harder and harder。
I remonstrated with him。 I told him I was a bit tender in that locality and
the ferrule of his umbrella was sharp。 He would not listen。 He kept on
jabbing me。
Something broke！ We started back down to earth。 We fell faster and
faster。 We fell nine miles； and after that I began to get used to it。 Then I
saw the earth beneath and it was rising up to meet us。
A town was belowa town that grew larger and larger as we neared it。
I could make out the bonded indebtedness； and the Carnegie Library； and
the moving…picture palaces； and the new dancing parlor； and other
principal points of interest。
At the rate we were falling we were certainly going to make an awful
splatter in that town when we hit。 I was sorry for the street…cleaning
department。
We fell another half mile or so。 A spire was sticking up into the sky
directly beneath us； like a spear； to impale us。 By a supreme effort I
twisted out of the way of that spire； only to strike squarely on top of the
roof of a greenhouse back of the parsonage； next door。 We crashed
through it with a perfectly terrific clatter of breaking glass and landed in a
bed of white flowers； all soft and downy； like feathers。
And then Doctor Z stood up and combed the debris out of his whiskers
and remarked that； taking it by and large； it had been one of the pleasantest
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little outings he had enjoyed in the entire course of his practice。 He said
that as a patient I was fair； but as a balloon I was immense。 He asked me
whether I had seen anything of his umbrella and began looking round for
it。 I tried to help him look； but I was too tired to exert myself much。 I
told him I believed I would take a little nap。
I opened a dizzy eye part way。 So this was heaventhis white
expanse that swung and swam before my languid gaze？ No； it could not
beit did not smell like heaven。 It smelled like a hospital。 It was a
hospital。 It was my hospital。 My nurse was bending over me and I
caught a faint whiff of the starch in the front of her crisp blue blouse。
She was two…headed for the moment； but that was a mere detail。 She
settled a pillow under my head and told me to lie quiet。
I meant to lie quiet； I did not have to be told。 I wanted to lie quiet
and hurt。 I was hurty from head to toe and back again； and crosswise and
cater…cornered。 I hurt diagonally and lengthwise and on the bias。 I had
a taste in my mouth like a bird…and…animal store。 And empty！ It
seemed to me those doctors had not left anything inside of me except the
acoustics。 Well； there was a mite of consolation there。 If the
overhauling had been as thorough as I had reason to believe it was from
my present sensations； I need never fear catching anything again so long
as I lived； except possibly dandruff。
I waved the nurse away。 I craved solitude。 I desired only to lie
there in that bed and hurtwhich I did。
I had said beforehand I meant to stay in St。 Germicide's for two or
three days only。 It is when I look back on that resolution I emit the
hollow laugh elsewhere referred to。 For exactly four weeks I was flat on
my back。 I know now how excessively wearied a man can get of his own
back； how tired of it； how bored with it！ And after that another two weeks
elapsed before my legs became the same dependable pair of legs I had
known in the past。
I did not want to eat at first； and when I did begin to want to they
would not let me。 If I felt sort of peckish they let me suck a little glass
thermometer； but there is not much nourishment really in thermometers。
And for entertainment； to wile the dragging hours away； I could count the
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cracks in the ceiling and read my temperature chart； which was a good
deal like Red Ames' batting average for the past seasonranging from
ninety…nine to one hundred and four。
Also； through daily conversations with my nurse and with the surgeons
who dropped in from time to time to have a look at me； I learned； as I lay
there； a great deal about the medical profession that is； a great deal for a
laymanand what I learned filled me with an abiding admiration for it；
both