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is； that Atkins has been born； that Catkins has been married； and
that Datkins is dead。 But the most remarkable thing I immediately
discover in the next column； is that Atkins has grown to be
seventeen years old； and that he has run away； for； at last； my eye
lights on the fact that William A。； who is seventeen years old； is
adjured immediately to return to his disconsolate parents； and
everything will be arranged to the satisfaction of everyone。 I am
afraid he will never return； simply because； if he had meant to
come back； he would never have gone away。 Immediately below； I
find a mysterious character in such a mysterious difficulty that it
is only to be expressed by several disjointed letters； by several
figures； and several stars； and then I find the explanation in the
intimation that the writer has given his property over to his
uncle； and that the elephant is on the wing。 Then； still glancing
over the shoulder of my industrious friend； the newsman； I find
there are great fleets of ships bound to all parts of the earth；
that they all want a little more stowage； a little more cargo； that
they have a few more berths to let； that they have all the most
spacious decks； that they are all built of teak； and copper…
bottomed； that they all carry surgeons of experience； and that they
are all A1 at Lloyds'； and anywhere else。 Still glancing over the
shoulder of my friend the newsman； I find I am offered all kinds of
house…lodging； clerks； servants； and situations； which I can
possibly or impossibly want。 I learn； to my intense gratification；
that I need never grow old； that I may always preserve the juvenile
bloom of my complexion； that if ever I turn ill it is entirely my
own fault； that if I have any complaint； and want brown cod…liver
oil or Turkish baths； I am told where to get them； and that； if I
want an income of seven pounds a…week； I may have it by sending
half…a…crown in postage…stamps。 Then I look to the police
intelligence； and I can discover that I may bite off a human living
nose cheaply； but if I take off the dead nose of a pig or a calf
from a shop…window； it will cost me exceedingly dear。 I also find
that if I allow myself to be betrayed into the folly of killing an
inoffensive tradesman on his own door…step； that little incident
will not affect the testimonials to my character； but that I shall
be described as a most amiable young man； and as； above all things；
remarkable for the singular inoffensiveness of my character and
disposition。 Then I turn my eye to the Fine Arts； and； under that
head； I see that a certain 〃J。 O。〃 has most triumphantly exposed a
certain 〃J。 O。 B。；〃 which 〃J。 O。 B。〃 was remarkable for this
particular ugly feature； that I was requested to deprive myself of
the best of my pictures for six months； that for that time it was
to be hung on a wet wall； and that I was to be requited for my
courtesy in having my picture most impertinently covered with a wet
blanket。 To sum up the results of a glance over my newsman's
shoulder； it gives a comprehensive knowledge of what is going on
over the continent of Europe； and also of what is going on over the
continent of America； to say nothing of such little geographical
regions as India and China。
Now； my friends； this is the glance over the newsman's shoulders
from the whimsical point of view； which is the point； I believe；
that most promotes digestion。 The newsman is to be met with on
steamboats； railway stations； and at every turn。 His profits are
small； he has a great amount of anxiety and care； and no little
amount of personal wear and tear。 He is indispensable to
civilization and freedom； and he is looked for with pleasurable
excitement every day； except when he lends the paper for an hour；
and when he is punctual in calling for it； which is sometimes very
painful。 I think the lesson we can learn from our newsman is some
new illustration of the uncertainty of life； some illustration of
its vicissitudes and fluctuations。 Mindful of this permanent
lesson； some members of the trade originated this society； which
affords them assistance in time of sickness and indigence。 The
subscription is infinitesimal。 It amounts annually to five
shillings。 Looking at the returns before me； the progress of the
society would seem to be slow； but it has only been slow for the
best of all reasons； that it has been sure。 The pensions granted
are all obtained from the interest on the funded capital； and；
therefore； the Institution is literally as safe as the Bank。 It is
stated that there are several newsvendors who are not members of
this society； but that is true in all institutions which have come
under my experience。 The persons who are most likely to stand in
need of the benefits which an institution confers； are usually the
persons to keep away until bitter experience comes to them too
late。
SPEECH： LONDON； MAY 11； 1864。
＇On the above date Mr。 Dickens presided at the Adelphi Theatre； at
a public meeting； for the purpose of founding the Shakespeare
Schools； in connexion with the Royal Dramatic College； and
delivered the following address：＇
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN … Fortunately for me； and fortunately for you；
it is the duty of the Chairman on an occasion of this nature； to be
very careful that he does not anticipate those speakers who come
after him。 Like Falstaff； with a considerable difference； he has
to be the cause of speaking in others。 It is rather his duty to
sit and hear speeches with exemplary attention than to stand up to
make them； so I shall confine myself； in opening these proceedings
as your business official； to as plain and as short an exposition
as I can possibly give you of the reasons why we come together。
First of all I will take leave to remark that we do not come
together in commemoration of Shakespeare。 We have nothing to do
with any commemoration； except that we are of course humble
worshippers of that mighty genius； and that we propose by…and…by to
take his name； but by no means to take it in vain。 If； however；
the Tercentenary celebration were a hundred years hence； or a
hundred years past； we should still be pursuing precisely the same
object； though we should not pursue it under precisely the same
circumstances。 The facts are these： There is； as you know； in
existence an admirable institution called the Royal Dramatic
College； which is a place of honourable rest and repose for
veterans in the dramatic art。 The charter of this college； which
dates some five or six years back； expressly provides for the
establishment of schools in connexion with it； and I may venture to
add that this feature of the scheme； when it was explained to him；
was specially interesting to his Royal Highness the late Prince
Consort； who hailed it as evidence of the desire of the promoters
to look forward as well as to look back； to found educational
institutions for the rising generation； as