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to the waiter that he wanted a bed at the hotel。 I had calculated
on his staying； as a matter of course； where he found his friend
staying。 It was pleasant to find my anticipations realized； and
to know that I have as good as got him now under my own eye。
〃After promising to let Midwinter know where he could see me
to…morrow； I went away in the cab to hunt for lodgings by myself。
〃With some difficulty I have succeeded in getting an endurable
sitting…room and bedroom in this house； where the people are
perfect strangers to me。 Having paid a week's rent in advance
（for I naturally preferred dispensing with a reference）； I find
myself with exactly three shillings and ninepence left in my
purse。 It is impossible to ask Midwinter for money； after he has
already paid Mrs。 Oldershaw's note of hand。 I must borrow
something to…morrow on my watch and chain at the pawnbroker's。
Enough to keep me going for a fortnight is all； and more than
all； that I want。 In that time； or in less than that time；
Midwinter will have married me。
〃July 29th。Two o'clock。Early in the morning I sent a line to
Midwinter； telling him that he would find me here at three this
afternoon。 That done； I devoted the morning to two errands of my
own。 One is hardly worth mentioningit was only to raise money
on my watch and chain。 I got more than I expected； and more （even
supposing I buy myself one or two little things in the way of
cheap summer dress） than I am at all likely to spend before the
wedding…day。
〃The other errand was of a far more serious kind。 It led me into
an attorney's office。
〃I was well aware last night （though I was too weary to put it
down in my diary）； that I could not possibly see Midwinter this
morningin the position he now occupies toward mewithout at
least _appearing_ to take him into my confidence on the subject
of myself and my circumstances。 Excepting one necessary
consideration which I must be careful not to overlook。 there is
not the least difficulty in my drawing on my invention； and
telling him any story I pleasefor thus far I have told no story
to anybody。 Midwinter went away to London before it was possible
to approach the subject。 As to the Milroys （having provided them
with the customary reference）； I could fortunately keep them at
arms…length on all questions relating purely to myself。 And
lastly； when I affected my reconciliation with Armadale on the
drive in front of the house； he was fool enough to be too
generous to let me defend my character。 When I had expressed my
regret for having lost my temper and threatened Miss Milroy； and
when I had accepted his assurance that my pupil had never done or
meant to do me any injury； he was too magnanimous to hear a word
on the subject of my private affairs。 Thus I am quite unfettered
by any former assertions of my own； and I may tell any story I
pleasewith the one drawback hinted at already in the shape of a
restraint。 Whatever I may invent in the way of pure fiction； I
must preserve the character in which I have appeared at Thorpe
Ambrose； for； with the notoriety that is attached to _my other
name；_ I have no other choice but to marry Midwinter in my maiden
name as 'Miss Gwilt。'
〃This was the consideration that took me into the lawyer's
office。 I felt that I must inform myself； before I saw Midwinter
later in the day； of any awkward consequences that may follow the
marriage of a widow if she conceals her widow's name。
〃Knowing of no other professional person whom I could trust； I
went boldly to the lawyer who had my interests in his charge； at
that terrible past time in my life； which I have more reason than
ever to shrink from thinking of now。 He was astonished； and； as I
could plainly detect； by no means pleased to see me。 I had hardly
opened my lips before he said he hoped I was not consulting him
_again_ （with a strong emphasis on the word） on my own account。 I
took the hint； and put the question I had come to ask； in the
interests of that accommodating personage on such occasionsan
absent friend。 The lawyer evidently saw through it at once； but
he was sharp enough to turn my 'friend' to good account on his
side。 He said he would answer the question as a matter of
courtesy toward a lady represented by myself； but he must make it
a condition that this consultation of him by deputy should go no
further。
〃I accepted his terms； for I really respected the clever manner
in which he contrived to keep me at arms…length without violating
the laws of good…breeding。 In two minutes I heard what he had to
say； mastered it in my own mi nd； and went out。
〃Short as it was； the consultation told me everything I wanted to
know。 I risk nothing by marrying Midwinter in my maiden instead
of my widow's name。 The marriage is a good marriage in this way：
that it can only be set aside if my husband finds out the
imposture； and takes proceedings to invalidate our marriage in my
lifetime。 That is the lawyer's answer in the lawyer's own words。
It relieves me at oncein this direction； at any rateof all
apprehension about the future。 The only imposture my husband will
ever discoverand then only if he happens to be on the spotis
the imposture that puts me in the place； and gives me the income；
of Armadale's widow； and by that time I shall have invalidated my
own marriage forever。
〃Half…past two！ Midwinter will be here in half an hour。 I must go
and ask my glass how I look。 I must rouse my invention； and make
up my little domestic romance。 Am I feeling nervous about it？
Something flutters in the place where my heart used to be。 At
five…and…thirty； too！ and after such a life as mine！
Six o'clock。He has just gone。 The day for our marriage is a day
determined on already。
〃I have tried to rest and recover myself。 I can't rest。 I have
come back to these leaves。 There is much to be written in them
since Midwinter has been here； that concerns me nearly。
〃Let me begin with what I hate most to remember； and so be the
sooner done with itlet me begin with the paltry string of
falsehoods which I told him about my family troubles。
〃What _can_ be the secret of this man's hold on me？ How is it
that he alters me so that I hardly know myself again？ I was like
myself in the railway carriage yesterday with Armadale。 It was
surely frightful to be talking to the living man； through the
whole of that long journey； with the knowledge in me all the
while that I meant to be his widowand yet I was only excited
and fevered。 Hour after hour I never shrunk once from speaking to
Armadale； but the first trumpery falsehood I told Midwinter
turned me cold when I saw that he believed it！ I felt a dreadful
hysterical choking in the throat when he entreated me not to
reveal my troubles。 And onceI am horrified when I think of
itonce； when he said； 'If I _could_ love you more dearly； I
should love you more dearly now；' I was within a hair…breadth of
turning traitor to myself。 I was on the very point of crying out
to him； 'Lies！ all lies！ I'm a fiend in human shape！ Marry the
wretchedest creature that prowls the streets； and you will marry
a better woman than me！' Yes！ the seeing his eyes moisten； the
hearing h