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Vanity Fair
by William Makepeace Thackeray
BEFORE THE CURTAIN
As the manager of the Performance sits before the curtain
on the boards and looks into the Fair； a feeling of profound
melancholy comes over him in his survey of the bustling place。
There is a great quantity of eating and drinking； making love
and jilting； laughing and the contrary； smoking； cheating；
fighting； dancing and fiddling； there are bullies pushing about；
bucks ogling the women； knaves picking pockets； policemen
on the look…out； quacks （OTHER quacks； plague take them！）
bawling in front of their booths； and yokels looking up at
the tinselled dancers and poor old rouged tumblers； while the
light…fingered folk are operating upon their pockets behind。
Yes； this is VANITY FAIR； not a moral place certainly； nor a
merry one； though very noisy。 Look at the faces of the actors
and buffoons when they come off from their business； and
Tom Fool washing the paint off his cheeks before he sits down
to dinner with his wife and the little Jack Puddings behind
the canvas。 The curtain will be up presently； and he will be
turning over head and heels； and crying； 〃How are you？〃
A man with a reflective turn of mind； walking through an
exhibition of this sort； will not be oppressed； I take it； by his
own or other people's hilarity。 An episode of humour or kindness
touches and amuses him here and therea pretty child
looking at a gingerbread stall； a pretty girl blushing whilst her
lover talks to her and chooses her fairing； poor Tom Fool；
yonder behind the waggon； mumbling his bone with the honest
family which lives by his tumbling； but the general impression
is one more melancholy than mirthful。 When you come home
you sit down in a sober； contemplative； not uncharitable frame
of mind； and apply yourself to your books or your business。
I have no other moral than this to tag to the present story
of 〃Vanity Fair。〃 Some people consider Fairs immoral altogether；
and eschew such； with their servants and families： very
likely they are right。 But persons who think otherwise； and are
of a lazy； or a benevolent； or a sarcastic mood； may perhaps
like to step in for half an hour； and look at the performances。
There are scenes of all sorts； some dreadful combats； some
grand and lofty horse…riding； some scenes of high life； and
some of very middling indeed； some love…making for the
sentimental； and some light comic business； the whole
accompanied by appropriate scenery and brilliantly illuminated
with the Author's own candles。
What more has the Manager of the Performance to say？
To acknowledge the kindness with which it has been received
in all the principal towns of England through which the Show
has passed； and where it has been most favourably noticed by
the respected conductors of the public Press； and by the Nobility
and Gentry。 He is proud to think that his Puppets have given
satisfaction to the very best company in this empire。 The
famous little Becky Puppet has been pronounced to be uncommonly
flexible in the joints； and lively on the wire； the Amelia
Doll； though it has had a smaller circle of admirers； has yet
been carved and dressed with the greatest care by the artist； the
Dobbin Figure； though apparently clumsy； yet dances in a very
amusing and natural manner； the Little Boys' Dance has been
liked by some； and please to remark the richly dressed figure
of the Wicked Nobleman； on which no expense has been
spared； and which Old Nick will fetch away at the end of this
singular performance。
And with this； and a profound bow to his patrons； the
Manager retires； and the curtain rises。
LONDON； June 28； 1848
Chapter 1
Chiswick Mall
While the present century was in its teens； and on one
sunshiny morning in June； there drove up to the great
iron gate of Miss Pinkerton's academy for young ladies；
on Chiswick Mall； a large family coach； with two fat
horses in blazing harness； driven by a fat coachman in
a three…cornered hat and wig； at the rate of four miles
an hour。 A black servant； who reposed on the box beside
the fat coachman； uncurled his bandy legs as soon as
the equipage drew up opposite Miss Pinkerton's shining
brass plate； and as he pulled the bell at least a score of
young heads were seen peering out of the narrow windows
of the stately old brick house。 Nay； the acute observer might
have recognized the little red nose of good…natured Miss
Jemima Pinkerton herself； rising over some geranium pots
in the window of that lady's own drawing…room。
〃It is Mrs。 Sedley's coach； sister；〃 said Miss Jemima。
〃Sambo； the black servant； has just rung the bell； and
the coachman has a new red waistcoat。〃
〃Have you completed all the necessary preparations
incident to Miss Sedley's departure； Miss Jemima？〃 asked
Miss Pinkerton herself； that majestic lady； the Semiramis
of Hammersmith； the friend of Doctor Johnson； the
correspondent of Mrs。 Chapone herself。
〃The girls were up at four this morning； packing her
trunks； sister；〃 replied Miss Jemima； 〃we have made her
a bow…pot。〃
〃Say a bouquet； sister Jemima； 'tis more genteel。〃
〃Well； a booky as big almost as a haystack； I have put
up two bottles of the gillyflower water for Mrs。 Sedley；
and the receipt for making it； in Amelia's box。〃
〃And I trust； Miss Jemima； you have made a copy of
Miss Sedley's account。 This is it； is it？ Very goodninety…
three pounds； four shillings。 Be kind enough to address it
to John Sedley； Esquire； and to seal this billet which I
have written to his lady。〃
In Miss Jemima's eyes an autograph letter of her sister；
Miss Pinkerton； was an object of as deep veneration as
would have been a letter from a sovereign。 Only when
her pupils quitted the establishment； or when they were
about to be married； and once； when poor Miss Birch
died of the scarlet fever； was Miss Pinkerton known to
write personally to the parents of her pupils； and it was
Jemima's opinion that if anything could console Mrs。
Birch for her daughter's loss； it would be that pious and
eloquent composition in which Miss Pinkerton announced
the event。
In the present instance Miss Pinkerton's 〃billet〃 was
to the following effect：
The Mall； Chiswick； June 15； 18
MADAM；After her six years' residence at the Mall； I
have the honour and happiness of presenting Miss Amelia
Sedley to her parents； as a young lady not unworthy
to occupy a fitting position in their polished and refined
circle。 Those virtues which characterize the young English
gentlewoman； those accomplishments which become
her birth and station； will not be found wanting in the
amiable Miss Sedley； whose INDUSTRY and OBEDIENCE
have endeared her to her instructors； and whose delightful
sweetness of temper has charmed her AGED and her
YOUTHFUL companions。
In music； in dancing； in orthography； in every variety
of embroidery and needlework； she will be found to
have realized her friends' fondest wishes。 In geography
there is still much to be desired； and a careful and
undeviating use of the backboard； for four hours daily
during the next three years； is recommended as necessary
to the acquirement of that dignified DEPORTMENT AND
CARRIAGE； so requisite for every y