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false！ Nay； I'll tickle ye for a young prince； i' faith。 Prince。 Swearest thou；
ungracious boy？ Henceforth ne'er look on me。 Thou art violently carried
away from grace。 There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat
man； a tun of man is thy companion。 Why dost thou converse with that
trunk of humours； that bolting hutch of beastliness； that swoll'n parcel of
dropsies； that huge bombard of sack； that stuff'd cloakbag of guts； that
roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly； that reverend vice；
that grey iniquity； that father ruffian； that vanity in years？ Wherein is he
good； but to taste sack and drink it？ wherein neat and cleanly； but to carve
a capon and eat it？ wherein cunning； but in craft？ wherein crafty； but in
villany？ wherein villanous； but in all things？ wherein worthy； but in
nothing？ Fal。 I would your Grace would take me with you。 Whom means
your Grace？ Prince。 That villanous abominable misleader of youth；
Falstaff； that old white…bearded Satan。 Fal。 My lord； the man I know。
Prince。 I know thou dost。 Fal。 But to say I know more harm in him than in
myself were to say more than I know。 That he is old （the more the pity） his
white hairs do witness it； but that he is （saving your reverence） a
whoremaster； that I utterly deny。 If sack and sugar be a fault； God help the
wicked！ If to be old and merry be a sin； then many an old host that I know
is damn'd。 If to be fat be to be hated； then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be
loved。 No； my good lord。 Banish Peto； banish Bardolph； banish Poins； but
for sweet Jack Falstaff； kind Jack Falstaff； true Jack Falstaff； valiant Jack
Falstaff； and therefore more valiant being； as he is； old Jack Falstaff；
banish not him thy Harry's company； banish not him thy Harry's company。
Banish plump Jack； and banish all the world！ Prince。 I do； I will。 ＇A
knocking heard。＇ ＇Exeunt Hostess； Francis； and Bardolph。＇
Enter Bardolph； running。
Bard。 O； my lord； my lord！ the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is
at the door。 Fal。 Out； ye rogue！ Play out the play。 I have much to say in the
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behalf of that Falstaff。
Enter the Hostess。
Host。 O Jesu； my lord； my lord！ Prince。 Heigh； heigh； the devil rides
upon a fiddlestick！ What's the matter？ Host。 The sheriff and all the watch
are at the door。 They are come to search the house。 Shall I let them in？ Fal。
Dost thou hear； Hal？ Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit。 Thou art
essentially mad without seeming so。 Prince。 And thou a natural coward
without instinct。 Fal。 I deny your major。 If you will deny the sheriff； so； if
not； let him enter。 If I become not a cart as well as another man； a plague
on my bringing up！ I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as
another。 Prince。 Go hide thee behind the arras。 The rest walk； up above。
Now； my masters； for a true face and good conscience。 Fal。 Both which I
have had； but their date is out； and therefore I'll hide me。 Exit。 Prince。 Call
in the sheriff。 ＇Exeunt Manent the Prince and Peto。＇
Enter Sheriff and the Carrier。
Now； Master Sheriff； what is your will with me？ Sher。 First； pardon
me； my lord。 A hue and cry Hath followed certain men unto this house。
Prince。 What men？ Sher。 One of them is well known； my gracious lord… A
gross fat man。 Carrier。 As fat as butter。 Prince。 The man； I do assure you； is
not here； For I myself at this time have employ'd him。 And； sheriff； I will
engage my word to thee That I will by to…morrow dinner time Send him to
answer thee； or any man； For anything he shall be charg'd withal； And so
let me entreat you leave the house。 Sher。 I will； my lord。 There are two
gentlemen Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks。 Prince。 It may
be so。 If he have robb'd these men； He shall be answerable； and so
farewell。 Sher。 Good night； my noble lord。 Prince。 I think it is good
morrow； is it not？ Sher。 Indeed； my lord； I think it be two o'clock。 Exit
＇with Carrier＇。 Prince。 This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's。 Go call
him forth。 Peto。 Falstaff！ Fast asleep behind the arras； and snorting like a
horse。 Prince。 Hark how hard he fetches breath。 Search his pockets。 He
searcheth his pockets and findeth certain papers。 What hast thou found？
Peto。 Nothing but papers； my lord。 Prince。 Let's see whit they be。 Read
them。
Peto。 ＇reads＇ 'Item。 A capon。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 ii s。 ii d。 Item；
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Sauce。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 iiii d。 Item； Sack two gallons 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 v s。 viii d。
Item； Anchovies and sack after supper。 ii s。 vi d。 Item；
Bread。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 。 ob。'
Prince。 O monstrous！ but one halfpennyworth of bread to this
intolerable deal of sack！ What there is else； keep close； we'll read it at
more advantage。 There let him sleep till day。 I'll to the court in the
morning 。 We must all to the wars。 and thy place shall be honourable。 I'll
procure this fat rogue a charge of foot； and I know； his death will be a
march of twelve score。 The money shall be paid back again with
advantage。 Be with me betimes in the morning； and so good morrow； Peto。
Peto。 Good morrow； good my lord。 Exeunt。
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