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disgust for those propensions that are started in us without the
mediation and direction of the judgment; as; upon the subject I am
speaking of; I cannot entertain that passion of dandling and caressing
infants scarcely born; having as yet neither motion of soul nor shape of
body distinguishable; by which they can render themselves amiable; and
have not willingly suffered them to be nursed near me。 A true and
regular affection ought to spring and increase with the knowledge they
give us of themselves; and then; if they are worthy of it; the natural
propension walking hand in hand with reason; to cherish them with a truly
paternal love; and so to judge; also; if they be otherwise; still
rendering ourselves to reason; notwithstanding the inclination of nature。
'Tis oft…times quite otherwise; and; most commonly; we find ourselves
more taken with the running up and down; the games; and puerile
simplicities of our children; than we do; afterwards; with their most
complete actions; as if we had loved them for our sport; like monkeys;
and not as men; and some there are; who are very liberal in buying them
balls to play withal; who are very close…handed for the least necessary
expense when they come to age。 Nay; it looks as if the jealousy of
seeing them appear in and enjoy the world when we are about to leave it;
rendered us more niggardly and stingy towards them; it vexes us that they
tread upon our heels; as if to solicit us to go out; if this were to be
feared; since the order of things will have it so that they cannot; to
speak the truth; be nor live; but at the expense of our being and life;
we should never meddle with being fathers at all。
For my part; I think it cruelty and injustice not to receive them into
the share and society of our goods; and not to make them partakers in the
intelligence of our domestic affairs when they are capable; and not to
lessen and contract our own expenses to make the more room for theirs;
seeing we beget them to that effect。 'Tis unjust that an old fellow;
broken and half dead; should alone; in a corner of the chimney; enjoy the
money that would suffice for the maintenance and advancement of many
children; and suffer them; in the meantime; to lose their' best years for
want of means to advance themselves in the public service and the
knowledge of men。 A man by this course drives them to despair; and to
seek out by any means; how unjust or dishonourable soever; to provide for
their own support: as I have; in my time; seen several young men of good
extraction so addicted to stealing; that no correction could cure them of
it。 I know one of a very good family; to whom; at the request of a
brother of his; a very honest and brave gentleman; I once spoke on this
account; who made answer; and confessed to me roundly; that he had been
put upon this paltry practice by the severity and avarice of his father;
but that he was now so accustomed to it he could not leave it off。 And;
at that very time; he was trapped stealing a lady's rings; having come
into her chamber; as she was dressing with several others。 He put me in
mind of a story I had heard of another gentleman; so perfect and
accomplished in this fine trade in his youth; that; after he came to his
estate and resolved to give it over; he could not hold his hands;
nevertheless; if he passed by a shop where he saw anything he liked; from
catching it up; though it put him to the shame of sending afterwards to
pay for it。 And I have myself seen several so habituated to this quality
that even amongst their comrades they could not forbear filching; though
with intent to restore what they had taken。 I am a Gascon; and yet there
is no vice I so little understand as that; I hate it something more by
disposition than I condemn it by reason; I do not so much as desire
anything of another man's。 This province of ours is; in plain truth; a
little more decried than the other parts of the kingdom; and yet we have
several times seen; in our times; men of good families of other
provinces; in the hands of justice; convicted of abominable thefts。 I
fear this vice is; in some sort; to be attributed to the fore…mentioned
vice of the fathers。
And if a man should tell me; as a lord of very good understanding once
did; that 〃he hoarded up wealth; not to extract any other fruit and use
from his parsimony; but to make himself honoured and sought after by his
relations; and that age having deprived him of all other power; it was
the only remaining remedy to maintain his authority in his family; and to
keep him from being neglected and despised by all around;〃 in truth; not
only old age; but all other imbecility; according to Aristotle; is the
promoter of avarice; that is something; but it is physic for a disease
that a man should prevent the birth of。 A father is very miserable who
has no other hold on his children's affection than the need they have of
his assistance; if that can be called affection; he must render himself
worthy to be respected by his virtue and wisdom; and beloved by his
kindness and the sweetness of his manners; even the very ashes of a rich
matter have their value; and we are wont to have the bones and relics of
worthy men in regard and reverence。 No old age can be so decrepid in a
man who has passed his life in honour; but it must be venerable;
especially to his children; whose soul he must have trained up to their
duty by reason; not by necessity and the need they have of him; nor by
harshness and compulsion:
〃Et errat longe mea quidem sententia
Qui imperium credat esse gravius; aut stabilius;
Vi quod fit; quam illud; quod amicitia adjungitur。〃
'〃He wanders far from the truth; in my opinion; who thinks that
government more absolute and durable which is acquired by force than
that which is attached to friendship。Terence; Adelph。; i。 I; 40。'
I condemn all violence in the education of a tender soul that is designed
for honour and liberty。 There is I know not what of servile in rigour
and constraint; and I am of opinion that what is not to be done by
reason; prudence; and address; is never to be affected by force。 I
myself was brought up after that manner; and they tell me that in all my
first age I never felt the rod but twice; and then very slightly。 I
practised the same method with my children; who all of them died at
nurse; except Leonora; my only daughter; and who arrived to the age of
five years and upward without other correction for her childish faults
(her mother's indulgence easily concurring) than words only; and those
very gentle; in which kind of proceeding; though my end and expectation
should be both frustrated; there are other causes enough to lay the fault
on without blaming my discipline; which I know to be natural and just;
and I should; in this; have yet been more religious towards the males; as
less born to subjection and more free; and I should have made it my
business to fill their hearts with ingenuousness and freedom。 I have
never observed other effects of whipping than to render boys more
cowardly; or more wilfully obstinate。
Do we desire to be beloved of our chi