按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
nothing to do； but I see it is wrong； I thought all ambition and
nonsense was gone out of me； when I cared so little for the
examination； but now I see； though I did not want to be made first； I
can't bear not to be first； and that's the old story； just as she
used to tell me to guard against ambition。 So I'll take my chance；
and if I should get put down； why； 'twas not fair that I should be
put up； and it is what I ought to be； and serves me right into the
bargain〃
〃Well； that's the best sort of sense； your mother's sense；〃 said the
doctor； more affected than he liked to show。 〃No wonder she came to
you in your dream； Norman； my boy； if you had come to such a
resolution。 I was half in hopes you had some such notion when I came
upon you； on Far…view down。〃
〃I think that sky did it；〃 said Norman； in a low voice； 〃it made me
think of her in a different wayand what you said too。〃
〃What did I say？ I don't remember。〃
But Norman could not repeat the words； and only murmured； 〃Golden
hills。〃 It was enough。
〃I see；〃 said the doctor； 〃you had dwelt on the blank here； not taken
home what it is to her。〃
〃Ay；〃 almost sobbed Norman； 〃I never could beforethat made me；〃
after a long silence； 〃and then I know how foolish I was； and how she
would say it was wrong to make this fuss； when you did not like it；
about my place； and that it was not for the sake of my duty； but of
ambition。 I knew that； but till I went to bed to…night； I could not
tell whether I could make up my mind； so I would say nothing。
CHAPTER XIII。
The days are sad； it is the Holy tide；
When flowers have ceased to blow and birds to sing。
F。 TENNYSON。
It had been a hard struggle to give up all thoughts of study； and
Norman was not at first rewarded for it； but rather exemplified the
truth of his own assertion； that he was worse without it； for when
this sole occupation for his mind was taken away； he drooped still
more。 He would willingly have shown his father that he was not
discontented； but he was too entirely unnerved to be either cheerful
or capable of entering with interest into any occupation。 If he had
been positively ill； the task would have been easier； but the low
intermittent fever that hung about him did not confine him to bed；
only kept him lounging； listless and forlorn； through the weary day；
not always able to go out with his father； and on Christmas Day unfit
even for church。
All this made the want of his mother； and the vacancy in his home；
still more evident； and nothing was capable of relieving his sadness
but his father's kindness； which was a continual surprise to him。
Dr。 May was a parent who could not fail to be loved and honoured；
but； as a busy man； trusting all at home to his wife； he had only
appeared to his children either as a merry playfellow； or as a stern
paternal authority； not often in the intermediate light of guiding
friend； or gentle guardian； and it affected Norman exceedingly to
find himself； a tall schoolboy； watched and soothed with motherly
tenderness and affection； with complete comprehension of his
feelings； and delicate care of them。 His father's solicitude and
sympathy were round him day and night； and this； in the midst of so
much toil； pain； grief； and anxiety of his own； that Norman might
well feel overwhelmed with the swelling； inexpressible feelings of
grateful affection。
How could his father know exactly what he would likesay the very
things he was thinkingsee that his depression was not wilful
repiningfind exactly what best soothed him！ He wondered； but he
could not have said so to any one； only his eye brightened； and； as
his sisters remarked； he never seemed half so uncomfortable when papa
was in the room。 Indeed； the certainty that his father felt the
sorrow as acutely as himself； was one reason of his opening to him。
He could not feel that his brothers and sisters did so； for；
outwardly； their habits were unaltered； their spirits not lowered；
their relish for things around much the same as before； and this had
given Norman a sense of isolation。 With his father it was different。
Norman knew he could never appreciate what the bereavement was to
himhe saw its traces in almost every word and look； and yet
perceived that something sustained and consoled him； though not in
the way of forgetfulness。 Now and then Norman caught at what gave
this comfort； and it might be hoped he would do so increasingly；
though； on this Christmas Day； Margaret felt very sad about him； as
she watched him sitting over the fire； cowering with chilliness and
headache； while every one was gone to church； and saw that the
reading of the service with her had been more of a trouble than a
solace。
She tried to think it bodily ailment； and strove hard not to pine for
her mother； to comfort them both； and say the fond words of
refreshing cheering pity that would have made all light to bear。
Margaret's home Christmas was so spent in caring for brother； father；
and children； that she had hardly time to dwell on the sad change
that had befallen herself。
Christmas was a season that none of them knew well how to meet：
Blanche was overheard saying to Mary that she wished it would not
come； and Mary； shaking her head； and answering that she was afraid
that was naughty； but it was very tiresome to have no fun。 Margaret
did her best upstairs； and Richard downstairs； by the help of prints
and hymns； to make the children think of the true joy of Christmas；
and in the evening their father gathered them round； and told them
the stories of the Shepherds and of the Wise Men； till Mary and
Blanche agreed； as they went up to bed； that it had been a very happy
evening。
The next day Harry discomfited the schoolroom by bursting in with the
news that 〃Louisa and Fanny Anderson were bearing down on the front
door。〃 Ethel and Flora were obliged to appear in the drawing…room；
where they were greeted by two girls； rather older than themselves。
A whole shower of inquiries for Dr。 May； for Margaret； and for the
dear little baby； were first poured out； then came hopes that Norman
was well； as they had not seen him at church yesterday。
〃Thank you； he was kept at home by a bad headache； but it is better
to…day。〃
〃We came to congratulate you on his successwe could not help it
it must have been such a pleasure to you。〃
〃That it was！〃 exclaimed Ethel； pleased at participation in her
rejoicing。 〃We were so surprised。〃
Flora gave a glance of warning； but Ethel's short…sighted eyes were
beyond the range of correspondence； and Miss Anderson continued。 〃It
must have been a delightful surprise。 We could hardly believe it
when Harvey came in and told us。 Every one thought Forder was sure；
but they all were put out by the questions of general information
those were all Mr。 Everard's doing。〃
〃Mr。 Everard was very much struck with Norman's knowledge and
scholarship too；〃 said Flora。
〃So every one says。 It was all Mr。 Everard's doing。 Miss Harrison
told mamma； but； for my part； I am very glad for the sake of
Stoneborough； I like a town boy to be at the head。〃
〃Norman was s