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When the news of my retirement became public； it occasioned great
talk in Paris。 Various people assigned various reasons for the strange
course that I had taken。 Nobody； however； believed that I had quitted the
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world in the prime of my life （I was then thirty…one years old）； never to
return to it again。 Meanwhile； my inventory was finished and my goods
were sold。 One of my friends sent a letter； entreating me to reconsider
my determination。 My mind was made up； and I wrote to say so。 When
my goods had been all sold； I left Paris to go and live incognito as a
parlour…boarder in the Convent of the Ursuline nuns of Pondevaux。 Here
I wished to try the mode of life for a little while before I assumed the
serious responsibility of taking the veil。 I knew my own characterI
remembered my early horror of total seclusion； and my inveterate dislike
to the company of women only； and； moved by these considerations； I
resolved； now that I had taken the first important step； to proceed in the
future with caution。
The nuns of Pondevaux received me among them with great kindness。
They gave me a large room； which I partitioned off into three small ones。
I assisted at all the pious exercises of the place。 Deceived by my
fashionable appearance and my plump figure； the good nuns treated me as
if I was a person of high distinction。 This afflicted me； and I undeceived
them。 When they knew who I really was； they only behaved towards me
with still greater kindness。 I passed my time in reading and praying； and
led the quietest； sweetest life it is possible to conceive。
After ten months' sojourn at Pondevaux； I went to Lyons； and entered
（still as parlour…boarder only） the House of Anticaille； occupied by the
nuns of the Order of Saint Mary。 Here； I enjoyed the advantage of
having for director of my conscience that holy man； Father Deveaux。 He
belonged to the Order of the Jesuits； and he was good enough； when I first
asked him for advice； to suggest that I should get up at eleven o'clock at
night to say my prayers； and should remain absorbed in devotion until
midnight。 In obedience to the directions of this saintly person； I kept
myself awake as well as I could till eleven o'clock。 I then got on my
knees with great fervour； and I blush to confess it； immediately fell as fast
asleep as a dormouse。 This went on for several nights； when Father
Deveaux finding that my midnight devotions were rather too much for me；
was so obliging as to prescribe another species of pious exercise； in a letter
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which he wrote to me with his own hand。 The holy father； after deeply
regretting my inability to keep awake； informed me that he had a new act
of penitence to suggest to me by the performance of which I might still
hope to expiate my sins。 He then； in the plainest terms； advised me to
have recourse to the discipline of flagellation； every Friday； using the cat…
o'…nine…tails on my bare shoulders for the length of time that it would take
to repeat a Miserere。 In conclusion； he informed me that the nuns of
Anticaille would probably lend me the necessary instrument of flagellation；
but； if they made any difficulty about it； he was benevolently ready to
furnish me with a new and special cat…o'…nine…tails of his own making。
Never was woman more amazed or more angry than I； when I first
read this letter。 〃What！〃 cried I to myself； 〃does this man seriously
recommend me to lash my own shoulders？ Just Heaven； what
impertinence！ And yet； is it not my duty to put up with it？ Does not
this apparent insolence proceed from the pen of a holy man？ If he tells
me to flog my wickedness out of me； is it not my bounden duty to lay on
the scourge with all my might immediately？ Sinner that I am！ I am
thinking remorsefully of my plump shoulders and the dimples on my back；
when I ought to be thinking of nothing but the cat…o'…nine…tails and
obedience to Father Deveaux？〃
These reflections soon gave me the resolution which I had wanted at
first。 I was ashamed to ask the nuns for an instrument of flagellation； so I
made one for myself of stout cord； pitilessly knotted at very short intervals。
This done； I shut myself up while the nuns were at prayer； uncovered my
shoulders； and rained such a shower of lashes on them； in the first fervour
of my newly…awakened zeal； that I fairly flogged myself down on the
ground； flat on my nose； before I had repeated more of the Miserere than
the first two or three lines。
I burst out crying； shedding tears of spite against myself when I ought
to have been shedding tears of devotional gratitude for the kindness of
Father Deveaux。 All through the night I never closed my eyes； and in the
morning I found my poor shoulders （once so generally admired for their
whiteness） striped with all the colours of the rainbow。 The sight threw
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me into a passion； and I profanely said to myself while I was dressing；
〃The next time I see Father Deveaux； I will give my tongue full swing；
and make the hair of that holy man stand on end with terror！〃 A few
hours afterwards； he came to the convent； and all my resolution melted
away at the sight of him。 His imposing exterior had such an effect on me
that I could only humbly entreat him to excuse me from indicting a second
flagellation on myself。 He smiled； benignantly； and granted my request
with a saintly amiability。 〃Give me the cat…o'…nine…tails；〃 he said； in
conclusion； 〃and I will keep it for you till you ask me for it again。 You
are sure to ask for it again； dear childto ask for it on your bended knees！〃
Pious and prophetic man！ Before many days had passed his words
came