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walks about all day barefoot； and filches cloaks； and dissects gnats； and
shoes （See Aristophanes； Nubes； 150。） fleas with wax？
SPEUSIPPUS。 All fiction！ All trumped up by Aristophanes！
CALLIDEMUS。 By Pallas； if he is in the habit of putting shoes on his
fleas； he is kinder to them than to himself。 But listen to me； boy； if you
go on in this way； you will be ruined。 There is an argument for you。 Go
to your Socrates and your Melesigenes； and tell them to refute that。
Ruined！ Do you hear？
SPEUSIPPUS。 Ruined！
CALLIDEMUS。 Ay； by Jupiter！ Is such a show as you make to be
supported on nothing？ During all the last war； I made not an obol from
my farm； the Peloponnesian locusts came almost as regularly as the
Pleiades；corn burnt；olives stripped；fruit trees cut down； wells
stopped up；and； just when peace came； and I hoped that all would turn
out well； you must begin to spend as if you had all the mines of Thasus at
command。
SPEUSIPPUS。 Now； by Neptune； who delights in horses
CALLIDEMUS。 If Neptune delights in horses； he does not resemble
me。 You must ride at the Panathenaea on a horse fit for the great king：
four acres of my best vines went for that folly。 You must retrench； or you
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THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY
will have nothing to eat。 Does not Anaxagoras mention； among his other
discoveries； that when a man has nothing to eat he dies？
SPEUSIPPUS。 You are deceived。 My friends
CALLIDEMUS。 Oh； yes！ your friends will notice you； doubtless；
when you are squeezing through the crowd； on a winter's day； to warm
yourself at the fire of the baths；or when you are fighting with beggars
and beggars' dogs for the scraps of a sacrifice；or when you are glad to
earn three wretched obols （The stipend of an Athenian juryman。） by
listening all day to lying speeches and crying children。
SPEUSIPPUS。 There are other means of support。
CALLIDEMUS。 What！ I suppose you will wander from house to
house； like that wretched buffoon Philippus （Xenophon； Convivium。）； and
beg everybody who has asked a supper…party to be so kind as to feed you
and laugh at you； or you will turn sycophant； you will get a bunch of
grapes； or a pair of shoes； now and then； by frightening some rich coward
with a mock prosecution。 Well！ that is a task for which your studies
under the sophists may have fitted you。
SPEUSIPPUS。 You are wide of the mark。
CALLIDEMUS。 Then what； in the name of Juno； is your scheme？
Do you intend to join Orestes （A celebrated highwayman of Attica。 See
Aristophanes； Aves； 711； and in several other passages。）； and rob on the
highway？ Take care； beware of the eleven （The police officers of
Athens。）； beware of the hemlock。 It may be very pleasant to live at other
people's expense； but not very pleasant； I should think； to hear the pestle
give its last bang against the mortar； when the cold dose is ready。 Pah！
SPEUSIPPUS。 Hemlock？ Orestes！ folly！I aim at nobler objects。
What say you to politics；the general assembly？
CALLIDEMUS。 You an orator！oh no！ no！ Cleon was worth twenty
such fools as you。 You have succeeded； I grant； to his impudence； for
which； if there be justice in Tartarus； he is now soaking up to the eyes in
his own tanpickle。 But the Paphlagonian had parts。
SPEUSIPPUS。 And you mean to imply
CALLIDEMUS。 Not I。 You are a Pericles in embryo； doubtless。 Well：
and when are you to make your first speech？ O Pallas！
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THE MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS AND SPEECHES OF LORD MACAULAY
SPEUSIPPUS。 I thought of speaking； the other day； on the Sicilian
expedition； but Nicias （See Thucydides； vi。 8。） got up before me。
CALLIDEMUS。 Nicias； poor honest man； might just as well have sate
still； his speaking did but little good。 The loss of your oration is；
doubtless； an irreparable public calamity。
SPEUSIPPUS。 Why； not so； I intend to introduce it at the next
assembly； it will suit any subject。
CALLIDEMUS。 That is to say； it will suit none。 But pray； if it be not
too presumptuous a request； indulge me with a specimen。
SPEUSIPPUS。 Well； suppose the agora crowded；an important
subject under discussion；an ambassador from Argos； or from the great
king； the tributes from the islands；an impeachment；in short； anything
you please。 The crier makes proclamation。〃Any citizen above fifty
years old may speakany citizen not disqualified may speak。〃 Then I
rise：a great murmur of curiosity while I am mounting the stand。
CALLIDEMUS。 Of curiosity！ yes； and of something else too。 You
will infallibly be dragged down by main force； like poor Glaucon （See
Xenophon Memorabilia； iii。） last year。
SPEUSIPPUS。 Never fear。 I shall begin in this style： 〃When I
consider； Athenians； the importance of our city；when I consider the
extent of its power； the wisdom of its laws； the elegance of its
decorations；when I consider by what names and by what exploits its
annals are adorned； when I think on Harmodius and Aristogiton； on
Themistocles and Miltiades； on Cimon and Pericles；when I contemplate
our pre…eminence in arts and letters；when I observe so many flourishing
states and islands compelled to own the dominion； and purchase the
protection of the City of the Violet Crown〃 （A favourite epithet of Athens。
See Aristophanes； Acharn。 637。）
CALLIDEMUS。 I shall choke with rage。 Oh； all ye gods and
goddesses； what sacrilege； what perjury have I ever committed； that I
should be singled out from among all the citizens of Athens to be the
father of this fool？
SPEUSIPPUS。 What now？ By Bacchus； old man； I would not advise
you to give way to such fits of passion in the streets。 If Aristophanes